Mutabilis Chapter One

pagroove · Post by **pagroove** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:03 am

A mighty opener,

Also Thnx for the Thanks

Jack_H · Post by **Jack_H** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 3:09 am

Ok Drew, i've read the chapter.

Only little annoying things were 'a hand that was apparently human' and 'a sheet that was apparently paper' or something to that effect. At the time the POV was the agent, and surely he would know if his hand was human or not? he wouldn't look at his hand and wonder what it was, so i assumed you had jumped POV but then that conflicts with the next paragraph, so I did get a little confused.

Overall though, not bad. Keep it up.

JohnnyBoy · Post by **JohnnyBoy** » Sat Sep 20, 2008 6:57 pm

Drew, your sig has the next chapter coming out on Saturday 21st. Do you mean Saturday 20th or Sunday 21st?

(TBH I'd prefer it on the Saturday - downloading it at 9pm on a Sunday means that there's very little weekend left in which to read it!

)

pagroove · Post by **pagroove** » Sat Sep 20, 2008 11:31 pm

I'm very curious to read what happens next

drew · Post by **drew** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 6:00 am

Sorry ! Typo there.

Should be Sunday 22nd. Can't get anything done on Saturdays due to kids, home, dog, wife etc!

What I will do is upload chapter three onwards first thing on Sunday morning, rather than the evening. (Before the kids get up!)

Cheers,

Drew

JohnnyBoy · Post by **JohnnyBoy** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 3:45 pm

JohnnyBoy wrote:
Do you mean Saturday 20th or Sunday 21st?

drew wrote:
Should be Sunday 22nd.

drew · Post by **drew** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 6:16 pm

Sunday 21st!!!!! ARRRRGH!

Cheers,

Drew.

Post by **Micha** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:21 am

Hi Drew,

Finally got around to reading this - awesome!!

Found a few more minor (somewhat pedantic) improvements though:

On pages 6-8 you variously use 'The Captain' and 'the captain', would be nice to be consistent. And if you're going to capitalise titles, maybe use 'the First Officer' as well.

Bottom of Page 7
"the Adders hull"
--> "the Adder's hull"?

Page 9
"only then turning around and look back the way he had come"
--> "only then turning around and looking back the way he had come"

From page 10 onwards
"Galcop"
--> "GalCop"

Page 10
"given me. “The Agent replied"
--> "given me." The Agent replied"

"honoury doctorate"
--> "honourary doctorate" ?

Page 11
You use "Military chief of staff" and "military chief of staff" - should be consistent?

Cheers,
- Micha.

drew · Post by **drew** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 12:08 pm

Pedantic is good... my proof reading skills are legendary...

Cheers,

Drew.