Fortune Cookies

[Tricky]

Code: Select all

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan.
Never odd or even.
A man, a plan, a canal, Panama.
Madam, I'm Adam.
Sit on a potato pan, Otis.
Sit on Otis.
                -- The Mad Palindromist

[Tricky]

Click thumb for larger version.

[CommRLock78]

Great posts Tricky - thanks!

Here's one that came up a couple days ago:

Code: Select all

 _________________________________________
( Q: How many members of the U.S.S.       )
( Enterprise does it take to change a     )
(                                         )
( light bulb? A: Seven. Scotty has to     )
( report to Captain Kirk that the light   )
( bulb in                                 )
(                                         )
( the Engineering Section is getting dim, )
( at which point Kirk will send           )
(                                         )
( Bones to pronounce the bulb dead        )
( (although he'll immediately claim       )
(                                         )
( that he's a doctor, not an              )
( electrician). Scotty, after checking    )
(                                         )
( around, realizes that they have no more )
( new light bulbs, and complains          )
(                                         )
( that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk   )
( will make an emergency stop at          )
(                                         )
( the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula )
( IV, to procure a light bulb             )
(                                         )
( from the natives, who, are friendly,    )
( but seem to be hiding something.        )
(                                         )
( Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two )
( red shirt security officers             )
(                                         )
( beam down to the planet, where the two  )
( security officers are promply           )
(                                         )
( killed by the natives, and the rest of  )
( the landing party is captured.          )
(                                         )
( As something begins to develop between  )
( the Captain and Yeoman Rand,            )
(                                         )
( Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a )
( Klingon destroyer and must              )
(                                         )
( warp out of orbit. Although badly       )
( outgunned, he cripples the Klingon      )
(                                         )
( and races back to the planet in order   )
( to rescue Kirk et. al. who have         )
(                                         )
( just saved the natives' from an awful   )
( fate and, as a reward, been             )
(                                         )
( given all light bulbs they can carry.   )
( The new bulb is then inserted           )
(                                         )
( and the Enterprise continues on its     )
( five year mission.                      )
 -----------------------------------------

[CommRLock78]

Every week there is a Colloquium at the Physics and Astronomy building ("Panda"). This week it is about gamma ray emission from the inner part of the Milky Way. In the announcement there was this quote:

“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely
regarded as a bad move.”
--Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Gotta love that dude .

[NigelJK]

http://www.google.com/doodles/douglas-a ... t-birthday

For those that didn't see on the day.

[CommRLock78]

http://www.google.com/doodles/douglas-a ... t-birthday

For those that didn't see on the day.

Thanks for the share Nigel - what a coincidence that I posted that quote the day after his birthday (I wasn't aware that is was his birthday on the 11th ).
He sure is one of the funniest people of all time .

[NigelJK]

I recently picked up a copy of And another thing ... in a charity shop for 50p. Haven't read it yet but should be good for that money.

[CommRLock78]

That should be a good read, Nigel .

This one I had to share

Code: Select all

The countdown had stalled at T minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick, rubbery lips unmistakably – the first of many such advances during what would prove to be the longest, and most memorable, space voyage of my career.

This fortune popped up again the other day, so I took it upon myself to dig a little deeper into this Bulwer-Lytton contest. Here are a list of winners:
http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/lyttony.html

[CommRLock78]

To those of you going to visit a Hoopy Casino anytime in the near future remember that:

Lady Luck brings added income today.
Lady friend takes it away tonight.

Edit: I noticed Dizzy had posted this one already - sorry about the duplicate

[CommRLock78]

Code: Select all

 _________________________________________
( You see, I consider that a man's brain  )
( originally is like a little empty       )
( attic, and you have to stock it with    )
( such furniture as you choose. A fool    )
( takes in all the lumber of every sort   )
( he comes across, so that the knowledge  )
( which might be useful to him gets       )
( crowded out, or at best is jumbled up   )
( with a lot of other things, so that he  )
( has difficulty in laying his hands upon )
( it. Now the skilful workman is very     )
( careful indeed as to what he takes into )
( his brain-attic. He will have nothing   )
( but the tools which may help him in     )
( doing his work, but of these he has a   )
( large assortment, and all in the most   )
( perfect order. It is a mistake to think )
( that that little room has elastic walls )
( and can distend to any extent. Depend   )
( upon it there comes a time when for     )
( every addition of knowledge you forget  )
( something that you knew before. It is   )
( of the highest importance, therefore,   )
( not to have useless facts elbowing out  )
( the useful ones.                        )
(                                         )
( -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Study in  )
( Scarlet"                                )
 -----------------------------------------

[CommRLock78]

Code: Select all

 ____________________________________
( Try to relax and enjoy the crisis. )
(                                    )
( -- Ashleigh Brilliant              )
 ------------------------------------

I'm actually on this guy's e-mailing list . He was born in England, but now lives in Santa Barbara, CA. He writes these clever "potshots" as well - I couldn't find my most favorite, but these are two good ones:

[Diziet Sma]

Code: Select all

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
		-- Mark Twain

[CommRLock78]

Another Mark Twain:

Code: Select all

 _______________________________________
( Wrinkles should merely indicate where )
( smiles have been.                     )
(                                       )
( -- Mark Twain                         )
 ---------------------------------------

[CommRLock78]

Don't know how many actually enjoy these (if ever/anymore), but if it makes one laugh as much as it did me, it will have done its job:

Code: Select all

 _________________________________________
( Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and )
( other exciting things.                  )
 -----------------------------------------