Oolite Bulletins

Story now completed.

This is my new 'rapid writing' technique.

Ascension

Usual disclaimer...

Cheers,

Drew.

If a cat pops out and tries to sell them a trumble. I'm leaving.......

Checks plan... er...

All felines present and accounted for off-world!

Cheers,

Drew.

A very promising start! I enjoyed that.. thanks Drew!

Looking forward to part 2!

A few typos/suggestions:

Herg --> should be lower-case-h herg throughout (like "control his horse", not "control his Horse")

The beast snorted and fidgeted in agitation. --> delete "in agitation". It's unnecessary: you've already shown the agitation with the snorting and fidgeting.

loosing his shoulder bag --> losing his shoulder bag

Unlike most other stars it never twinkled and it moved around the sky in a curious retrograde way, unlike the other stars. --> delete "unlike the other stars" at the end (it's repeating the start of the sentence, and is implied by "curious" anyway).

“Go on.” she nodded. --> “Go on.” She nodded.

“It's a beacon, a guide. “Meru replied. --> “It's a beacon, a guide,” Meru replied. (comma, close quotes)

what looked like a women --> what looked like a woman (singular)

The Herg's looked up --> The hergs looked up (no apostrophe)

Last few paragraphs (from "Miria was frozen to the spot"): maybe mix up/find synonyms for "blazing fireball" (ball of flame, burning sphere?).

Just FYI - finished this and will upload tonight.

Cheers,

Drew.

Nice one Drew - a short story that could almost end where it is and yet is obviously just the start of something else.

Very nicely written.

DH

Ascension is now complete and can be downloaded from the link above.

Cheers,

Drew.

You sir, are very, very good at this old writing thing!!!

anoyher goody!! i like these short stories... sort of poignant and mellow and your just getting into it and its over...

i like the characters you dream up.... quite believavle!!!

B