The Player Issue 8 is out now and available to download from www.the-player.co.uk or right here for you lazy clickers.
The redesigned, renamed, re-prosed [Is this a word? -Ed] magazine is for people who have standards, self-respect, and no money left to spend on a proper magazine. It's for people who think the code should be the gimp, and they the master- for players who no longer stand to be played. They want honesty and humour from a games magazine rather than bland orthodoxy or the cliches that are currently so pervasive.
With that in mind, The Player is in search of games writing's voice, and so it's fitting that we interview an outspoken critic of orthodox games journalism, Kieron Gillen. We suspect that he will be privately appalled that we claim him as an influence. But he'll be thrilled at the shockingly psychotic, introverted, look at videogame politics, and some of the staffers' lame real-life attempts at activities best left to gaming. Then again, perhaps he won't. One thing's for sure - you can't use .pdf pixels as toilet paper. No sirree bob.
But it doesn't end there. Oh yes, there's murderously incisive reviews of The Darkness, Overlord, Forza 2 and surely a future award winner in the treatment of eye candy superstar Odin Sphere. There's our very own Rasputin look-a-like's ripped and twisted take on videogame news. There's columns. There's words written about games of old Replayed, and Vital Investigation of Key Themes undertaken, such as Kirby being modelled on Nintendo's obese lawyer, or Red Dwarf's Kryten's key influence on late '90s videogame footballer's heads.
But most of all, if the above falls utterly flat, it has pretty art.
To close then, here are some reactions from some of the celebrities at the premiere bash- which really was a gas, players.
"No scores? You lot are a bleeding disgrace." Dave Cameron
"The fact that this fine publication was made with the assistance of just one Arab pleases me greatly. It's certainly a step in the right direction." Prince Phillip
"Right, I did what you asked, I sang The Power of Love, now where's my goddamn brown, like?" Pete Doherty
"My achy-breaky computer done breaky on me, I can't read nuffink. What is this nonsense anyhoo?" Billy-Ray Cyrus
"lol u guys suck" The Internet
(With sincerest thanks to the board mods for permission to post this.)