Mutabilis - Chapter Ten - End of Story!

drew · Post by **drew** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 10:12 am

Folks,

The final chapter. Hope you enjoyed the story. Always a bit sad when you come to the end of a tale.

I'll be working on a combined version shortly, to link with the cover page competition.

Plan to get all that sorted in early December so if somebody fancies buying you a Christmas present, they can head over to Cafepress for a hardcopy. Will update the threads when it's done.

Just to re-iterate, I'm not going make any money out of this - it's printed at cost, to give folks the opportunity to have a hard copy, nothing more.

It looks like Mutabilis is quite a bit bigger than Status Quo. SQ was 204 pages, a quick estimate in Openoffice makes it looks like Mutabilis will be around the 300 mark. (Not really a novella anymore!)

So, back to the story.... - Mutabilis Chapter Ten.

Cheers,

Drew.

Commander McLane · Post by **Commander McLane** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 10:50 am

Very nice!

However, I'll wait for the combined version. (Yes, could resist the temptation to read anything, this time.)

Website · Post by **DaddyHoggy** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 1:10 pm

Eek! The end of the line! Worse, it's my wife's b'day and we're going to a wedding this weekend - I won't have a chance to read it ntil early next week!!!!

I shall have to avoid this thread just to avoid potential spoilers!!!!

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!

On an unrelated topic my short story "Lazarus" has been put on hold because I've currently got two short story comps on the go and I haven't actually written/finished either story even though I said I had when I agreed to enter the competitions.... oops - well, a deadline helps focus the mind!

Post by **Disembodied** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 4:11 pm

A nice coda there, Drew!

Some typos:

Paras 2 and 3: repeat of "beckoned". Maybe "The stars awaited them"? Or even "The friendly stars awaited them"?

News report: needs “ at the start of each paragraph, as it's all one continuous quote. It doesn't need ” at the end of each paragraph, though, just at the end of the final paragraph of the bulletin.

ground based – should be ground-based

Eye witness – should be Eyewitness

Cost cutting – should be Cost-cutting

in system transport – should be in-system transport

explosion on the surface of Lave's Moon – should be explosion on the surface of Lave's moon

Tionisla Chronicle – should be Tionisla Chronicle

Rebecca had managed move the Eclipse – should be Rebecca had managed to move the Eclipse

system after system become a priority assignment – should be system after system became a priority assignment (or system after system had become a priority assignment)

He sighed “I'm not sure. – should be He sighed. “I'm not sure.

“Perhaps we'll get another chance too...” – just checking: is this “Perhaps we'll get another chance as well...” or should it be “Perhaps we'll get another chance to...” (i.e. another chance to change things, but the sentence is broken off)?

re-assure – should be reassure

“I don't want to be the one decides who gets to live – should be “I don't want to be the one who decides who gets to live

I don't want to loose anyone – should be I don't want to lose anyone

so tough as trader – should be so tough as a trader

see you you know – should be see you, you know

grey bearded – should be grey-bearded

hot head – should be hothead

“Reba and Rebka I can see, “ Jim complained – should be “Reba and Rebka I can see,” Jim complained

posessed – should be possessed

old fashioned – should be old-fashioned

Those channels eight containing – should be Those eight channels containing

quantum level realities – should be quantum-level realities

half mechanical – should be half-mechanical

All I can say as that you will find – should be All I can say is that you will find

out talk – should be out-talk

this time period - before everything – should be this time-period – before everything (hyphen and en-dash)

swept back wing sections – should be swept-back wing sections

going to happy flying – should be going to be happy flying

“Oh my god!” – should be “Oh my God!”

full blown – should be full-blown

Galcop congressional medal of honour – should be Galcop Congressional Medal of Honour

single handedly – should be single-handedly

- Commodore – should be – Commodore (en-dash)

- Galcop – should be – Galcop (en-dash)

- Tionisla – should be – Tionisla (en-dash)

attributed to the Q-bomb – should be attributed to the Q-Bomb

the Q-bomb was already – should be the Q-Bomb was already

organized – should be organised (or, since you've got "well-organised" in there just before, maybe "masterminded"?)

single handed – should be single-handed

Tionisla Chronicle – should be Tionisla Chronicle

drew · Post by **drew** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 4:36 pm

Corrections cool as always!

Cheers,

Drew.

ps. Do you do this as a day job?

Post by **Disembodied** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 5:37 pm

drew wrote:
Do you do this as a day job?

As one bit of my day job, yes!

Captain Tylor · Post by **Captain Tylor** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 11:15 pm

I`m going to miss the weekly instalmants
Well done Drew really enjoyed the Tale.
I think you Fleshed out the Oolite universe a bit more which I can`t get enough of.

pagroove · Post by **pagroove** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 7:00 pm

Drew,

Let me thank you for this excellent story. At a point in time you've said that you're not a sci fi writer. Well rest assure you are a damn good writer!. [SPOILER WARNING] I also was very amused to see about the Aesbion conflict. Please feel free to send to me a text so that I can include it in the famous planets WIKI pages. I hope that you continue to write stories about the Oolite ooniverse. I'il be happy to own and pay for a hard copy. Please give us the details when it's come out. O and... I shall look if I can compose the Multabilis tune soon as a sort of OXP replacement for the Oolite tune!

Cheers,

P.A. Groove

Jack_H · Post by **Jack_H** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 12:03 am

Hi Drew

Bet it must feel great to have it finished. Good work, I hope you enjoyed writing it.

I think it was pretty clever the way you changed history at the end of the story. I am always partial to funny things happening in time travel.

I also like the remark to the HPA sarrghhhaaa. Thanks for that

Two nitpicks I have:

1) You ended the last chapter on such a high dramatic point that looked like clear death for the heroes, yet in this chapter they got out of it without any skill, tension or worry and inside a paragraph. I would have wanted to see more happen here before the escape.

2) This whole chapter is just explanation. The whole four way conversation felt like it went on a lot longer that it had to. Unless i misread, the explanation for why Iacabus wasn't Iacob wasn't given and perhaps if it isn't important they should be the same people as that would save a page of explanation which (as i read it) didn't add any value.

See if it is possible to make this bit minimalist or perhaps add some more action in between all the talking to break it up.

Good work. The thargoid battle in the future sounds like a good climax for a third story???

drew · Post by **drew** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 7:07 am

@ Captain Tylor - Thanks! Glad you enjoyed the ride!

@PaGroove - Many thanks for that sir! Comments very much appreciated. One of these days perhaps I'll be able to settle down to full time writing and crank out a whole bunch of stuff. (Mortgage beckons until then!).

The plan is to get the hardcopy out in time for Christmas. Editing should be starting soon, and the competition finishes for the cover shortly - will post on the bb once it's available!

Looking forward to a Mutabilis theme tune!

@Jack

Hey! Good to hear from you again. Yup, comments taken on board - and valid crit as always.

It was always going to be a 'tidy up' chapter, and maybe it was a bit too much of that. Fair comment.

As for a third story, will have to see! I don't have time for such a project next year, so it may be a while before I'll be able to get around to some Oolite fiction again - we'll see!

Cheers,

Drew.

CptnEcho · Post by **CptnEcho** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 2:40 pm

Dear Drew,

I enjoyed reading the all ten chapters of Mutabilis last night. Thanks for writing a good story.

Like others, I noticed a few things that you'll probably fix or clean up during an editing process (spelling, grammar, sentence structures and word usages).

Keep writing. Reading your works has given me ideas about writing my own contributions to the Ooniverse. In the meantime, I offer my compliments.

Well done, Drew.

Sincerely,
CptnEcho

Killer Wolf · Post by **Killer Wolf** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 7:35 pm

i just wanna say thanks again for the Vampire shout-out, it's always nice when someone appreciates your efforts and getting them included in fanfic is way cool

drew · Post by **drew** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 9:42 pm

@CaptnEcho

Thanks! Look forward to seeing your Oolite contributions - go for it!

@Killer Wolf

Impressive ship, it deserves it! I fly one myself!

Cheers,

Drew.

Star Gazer · Post by **Star Gazer** » Wed Nov 19, 2008 11:38 pm

Wonderful stuff! Always sad to see to the finish, but it was worth the ride!

Just a couple of corrections not previously stated:
Page 3 - line 1 - '...had managed move to the Eclipse...' should be: '...had managed to move the Eclipse...'
Page 3 - line 20 - "I don't want than on my record!" should bed be: "I don't want that on my record!"
Page 11 - line 52 - '...single-handed defence of orbit space...' should be: '...single-handed defence of orbital space...'

Website · Post by **DaddyHoggy** » Fri Nov 21, 2008 12:59 pm

Whoa-ho! I have a ship named after me!

Cool. And thanks!

Loved it all btw - nicely skirted around the whole paradox thing - a techno-babble-specialist after my own heart.

One thing - you've listed the Vampire as having a speed of 0.2LM - all the Vampires listed on the wiki (http://wiki.alioth.net/index.php/Fastest_Ships_(Oolite)) have speeds that vary from 0.37 up to 0.45...

I'm guess the brackets cock up the url tags...