Penultimate chapter now! All comes to a close next week.
The usual applies, you know the drill by now!
Goto Mutabilis on the Elite Wiki.
Cheers,
Drew,
Mutabilis Chapter Nine
Moderators: winston, another_commander
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Disembodied
- Jedi Spam Assassin
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- Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2007 10:54 pm
- Location: Carter's Snort
Next week? But I'll be old by then! 
A few typos:
it felt good to back in chart one – should be it felt good to be back in chart one
Like the song says - – should be Like the song says – (en-dash)
pock marked – should be pockmarked
floating in space like a Onyx jewel – should be floating in space like an onyx jewel
What was the Zerz doing descending – should be What was Zerz doing descending
Gee forces were alternatively pushing and pulling them – should be Gee forces were alternately pushing and pulling them
over boosting the engines – should be over-boosting the engines
Wakeup, Jim! – should be Wake up, Jim!
Are you ok? – should be Are you okay? (or OK?)
O2 – should be O<subscript>2</subscript> (or just "oxygen")
Jim got a new found appreciation – should be new-found
Away, at distance impossible to gauge – should be Away, at a distance impossible to gauge
snapping of the high heels – should be snapping off the high heels
“Oh shame, “ she said, – should be “Oh shame,” she said,
short lived images – should be short-lived images
loose yourself in another world – should be lose yourself in another world
baroque and over styled – should be baroque and over-styled
charter of Galactic Co-operative – should be charter of the Galactic Co-operative
edu-classes – maybe just history lessons?
half completed Coriolis station – should be half-completed Coriolis station
svelte looking – should be svelte-looking (or just "slender")
his working weapon – maybe just "weapon" ('cos it didn't work for him...)
wind-sheer – should be wind-shear
leeching the heat out of her hands – should be leaching the heat out of her hands
I'm o...ok – should be I'm o...okay
co-pilots seat – should be co-pilot’s seat
A few typos:
it felt good to back in chart one – should be it felt good to be back in chart one
Like the song says - – should be Like the song says – (en-dash)
pock marked – should be pockmarked
floating in space like a Onyx jewel – should be floating in space like an onyx jewel
What was the Zerz doing descending – should be What was Zerz doing descending
Gee forces were alternatively pushing and pulling them – should be Gee forces were alternately pushing and pulling them
over boosting the engines – should be over-boosting the engines
Wakeup, Jim! – should be Wake up, Jim!
Are you ok? – should be Are you okay? (or OK?)
O2 – should be O<subscript>2</subscript> (or just "oxygen")
Jim got a new found appreciation – should be new-found
Away, at distance impossible to gauge – should be Away, at a distance impossible to gauge
snapping of the high heels – should be snapping off the high heels
“Oh shame, “ she said, – should be “Oh shame,” she said,
short lived images – should be short-lived images
loose yourself in another world – should be lose yourself in another world
baroque and over styled – should be baroque and over-styled
charter of Galactic Co-operative – should be charter of the Galactic Co-operative
edu-classes – maybe just history lessons?
half completed Coriolis station – should be half-completed Coriolis station
svelte looking – should be svelte-looking (or just "slender")
his working weapon – maybe just "weapon" ('cos it didn't work for him...)
wind-sheer – should be wind-shear
leeching the heat out of her hands – should be leaching the heat out of her hands
I'm o...ok – should be I'm o...okay
co-pilots seat – should be co-pilot’s seat
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Disembodied
- Jedi Spam Assassin
- Posts: 6885
- Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2007 10:54 pm
- Location: Carter's Snort
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DaddyHoggy
- Intergalactic Spam Assassin
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Love it Drew - bravo!
Only one observation - at the beginning of the chapter there is, perhaps, too much "full power" and the like - the Eclipse at the end of the chapter was a barely flying wreck - I expected smoke, crackles of burning conduit and flickering lights, not seemingly fully operational scanners and the like.
Just my 0.02cr worth.
Only one observation - at the beginning of the chapter there is, perhaps, too much "full power" and the like - the Eclipse at the end of the chapter was a barely flying wreck - I expected smoke, crackles of burning conduit and flickering lights, not seemingly fully operational scanners and the like.
Just my 0.02cr worth.
Oolite Life is now revealed hereSelezen wrote:Apparently I was having a DaddyHoggy moment.
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drew
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- Location: In front of a laptop writing a book.
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Yes, that's probably fair. I need to find a bit more vocabulary for the throttle controls (in my defence I spent most of the time working on the dialogue and Rebecca/Zerz arc) - and I'll up the description of the ship later on (I like your suggestions!). I guess I was trying to describe it 'in game' as it were, as I don't think the scanner/screen can fail in Oolite itself (maybe a cool OXP idea there?!) - but good suggestions - will incorporate during the tidyup/consolidation/rewrite!DaddyHoggy wrote:Love it Drew - bravo!
Only one observation - at the beginning of the chapter there is, perhaps, too much "full power" and the like - the Eclipse at the end of the chapter was a barely flying wreck - I expected smoke, crackles of burning conduit and flickering lights, not seemingly fully operational scanners and the like.
Just my 0.02cr worth.
Cheers,
Drew.
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DaddyHoggy
- Intergalactic Spam Assassin
- Posts: 8515
- Joined: Tue Dec 05, 2006 9:43 pm
- Location: Newbury, UK
- Contact:
Happy to play a tiny part in this masterpiece - I like reading it after Disembodied has been through it - it saves me looking for typos and I can get on with enjoying the story - he is thorough!
Oolite Life is now revealed hereSelezen wrote:Apparently I was having a DaddyHoggy moment.
