Mutabilis Chapter Two

drew · Post by **drew** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 6:41 pm

A bit of head of schedule, as I've got to go out later on!

Available on the wiki

Enjoy! Next chapter available early AM next Sunday (28th - I think

)

Cheers,

Drew.

edit : minor typos fixed (missing 'ly' and a missing word).

Jack_H · Post by **Jack_H** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 10:30 pm

Hi Drew

I started doing a proof read edit of chapter 2 during a meeting. didn't get enough time to finish but if you want, give me your email (PM) and i can email the pdf's to you.

Website · Post by **DaddyHoggy** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 9:22 am

Hi Drew,

I have PM'd you.

However, I'd like state here to avoid spoilers - well done - it's going to be a ripping roaring ride - I can tell!

Looking forward to Chapter 3

DH

Star Gazer · Post by **Star Gazer** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 12:45 pm

This is great, and I'm really taken by some of your minor characters, it's a shame you have to kill them off so ruthlessly! Most amusing interweaving of computer references. Keep it coming!

Proof reading:
Page 4 - line 35 - "the object of many an unfulfilled fantasy; both men and women." could be: "...the object of many an unfulfilled fantasy, both for men and women.

Page 4 - line 44 - "...she had fired two staff members for allegedly not producing an analysis on time. She was a product of one of the best female only business..."
better as: "...she had fired two members of staff, allegedly for not producing an analysis on time. She was a product of one of the best female-only business..."

Page 5 - line 14 - some confusion here: "...for injector usage once they arrive in your space if you jump from that..." - should be: "...for injector usage once they arrive in your space if they jump from that..."

Page 7 - line 43: "...crazy mystics and bring them to heal." should be: "...crazy mystics and bring them to heel."

Page 7 - line 47: "...subscription to the quadrants premier Tru-Vid..." should be: "...subscription to the quadrant's premier Tru-Vid..."

Page 8 - line 4: "He returned home from his current role..." I suspect should have been: "He had returned home from his current role..."

Page 9 - line 27: "Sadly Zerz Furvel later died in hospital..." there should be a comma: "Sadly, Zerz Furvel later died in hospital..." (although he might have died sadly...!

)

Page 9 - line 47: "...suspected as being members as it wasn't an official..." should have a comma: "...suspected as being members, as it wasn't an official..."

Website · Post by **DaddyHoggy** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 12:54 pm

D'oh! Stargazer that's a spoiler for those who have not yet read the Chapter (re: Zerz)

drew · Post by **drew** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 1:15 pm

Thanks for all the comments - but read the story before reading this thread I guess!

I will keep up the chapter by chapter approach, and roll all the editing changes up into the consolidated version right at the end, otherwise you won't get the next chapters on schedule!

Sorry about all the characters getting killed off... As it happens, Mahl, Janu and Tenim appear in some other sci-fi of mine (non-elite) from years ago, so I thought I'd use them here and give them a short bit of air time. Zerz is from Status Quo as you will recall.

Cheers,

Drew.

Star Gazer · Post by **Star Gazer** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 7:36 pm

@ drew - I'm intrigued, is any of this older material available on-line?

EDIT
If you would prefer me to put my proof-reading somewhere it cannot lead to spoilers, please let me know where I should direct it.

drew · Post by **drew** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 8:18 pm

re:feedback Doesn't bother me at all really, that's how it's always been done. I figure most people will download the story first anyway.

As for my previous sci-fi works (ahem) they are inscribed using chemical markers on a bonded substrate of papyrus, and date from the days before such wonders as word processors existed for the likes of mere mortals...

...and I've not been brave enough to dig them out for years. I'm sure they are pretty dreadful, being written at a time when the ol' hormones were still full of teenage angst!

Cheers,

Drew.

Captain Hesperus · Post by **Captain Hesperus** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 9:06 pm

I actually read the chapter slightly after you posted, but my internets crapped out til now, so I couldn't post til now. I'll simply add, great chapter, spotted all the mistakes as noted above, really enjoyed it.

P.S. In the words of the original blonde bombshell, "I'm ready for my cameo now, Mr Wagar."

Captain Hesperus

pagroove · Post by **pagroove** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:27 pm

Wow,

I have a role in the story. I'm VERY honored!

Curious if any of the famous planets get mentioned too.

Excellent stuff, tension building up nicely!

drew · Post by **drew** » Tue Sep 23, 2008 6:15 am

Captain Hesperus wrote:
I actually read the chapter slightly after you posted, but my internets crapped out til now, so I couldn't post til now. I'll simply add, great chapter, spotted all the mistakes as noted above, really enjoyed it.

P.S. In the words of the original blonde bombshell, "I'm ready for my cameo now, Mr Wagar."

Captain Hesperus

You are reserved a place of special honour befitting your reputation, Captain.

All shall be revealed (where's the evil overlord laughing maniacally smiley when you need it?)

Cheers,

Drew.

Lestradae · Post by **Lestradae** » Tue Sep 23, 2008 9:25 am

drew wrote:
(where's the evil overlord laughing maniacally smiley when you need it?)

Uhm, sorry, slow, me.

Here:

See ya @Achenar

L

Captain Hesperus · Post by **Captain Hesperus** » Tue Sep 23, 2008 4:59 pm

drew wrote:
Captain Hesperus wrote:
I actually read the chapter slightly after you posted, but my internets crapped out til now, so I couldn't post til now. I'll simply add, great chapter, spotted all the mistakes as noted above, really enjoyed it.

P.S. In the words of the original blonde bombshell, "I'm ready for my cameo now, Mr Wagar."

Captain Hesperus
You are reserved a place of special honour befitting your reputation, Captain. All shall be revealed (where's the evil overlord laughing maniacally smiley when you need it?)

Cheers,

Drew.

Oh gods, I'm dead aren't I.......

Captain Hesperus

Website · Post by **DaddyHoggy** » Tue Sep 23, 2008 9:22 pm

Holly: They're all dead Dave...

Captain Hesperus · Post by **Captain Hesperus** » Tue Sep 23, 2008 9:36 pm

DaddyHoggy wrote:
Holly: They're all dead Dave...

Dave: What? Everybody?

Captain Hesperus