Commander Munchausen

Commander McLane · Post by **Commander McLane** » Wed Apr 23, 2008 5:29 am

Captain Hesperus wrote:
Don't worry, I've since replenished my fur with a temporary replacement with the help of a bit of strong glue. Now, anyone in the market for the rare 'Furless' Trumbles?

pagroove · Post by **pagroove** » Thu May 01, 2008 8:30 pm

A question @ Capt. Hesperus: Despite being found on a newly colonized planet in Galaxy 5 in the early 2900's ( according to the OoliteWiki) the origin of the Trumbles or Trumblois seem to be unknown AND it also raises the question of who came first: the furless trumble or the Trumble as we know it? Or did you found out more about it while selling Trumbles. Did you ever visit the Trumble planet an talk to the scientists? (with a permit of course)

Captain Hesperus · Post by **Captain Hesperus** » Thu May 01, 2008 8:38 pm

pagroove wrote:
A question @ Capt. Hesperus: Despite being found on a newly colonized planet in Galaxy 5 in the early 2900's ( according to the OoliteWiki) the origin of the Trumbles or Trumblois seem to be unknown AND it also raises the question of who came first: the furless trumble or the Trumble as we know it? Or did you found out more about it while selling Trumbles. Did you ever visit the Trumble planet an talk to the scientists? (with a permit of course)

Well the original hairy bundle-of-fun Trumble came first, but as I was feeling a little bit chilly after Commander Little Bear's hasty departure (see picture above), I got inventive with a few hundred (there ain't much fur on a Trumble) Trumbles and a vat of industrial strength adhesive. As for where the original Trumble who birthed my Galactic career of ~~crime~~ trade, Ol' Onesy alas died of overeating after trying to wolf down a HMX-5 Hardhead during a rather nasty furball I got unfortunately involved in.

He was chewing on it when I launched it.

But he did birth the idea of my patented 'Trumble-Inside'™ TRubl-XI Trumble Infiltration Missile....

Captain Hesperus

Screet · Post by **Screet** » Tue Dec 30, 2008 12:18 pm

Captain Hesperus wrote:
But he did birth the idea of my patented 'Trumble-Inside'™ TRubl-XI Trumble Infiltration Missile....

Patents...a nice idea as I was considering the trumble tree decoration for christmas and every owner of a trumble could easily make the profit drop, unless it'd be patented. Really a beautiful sight! Trumbles hanging on the tree, making nice sounds...that is much better than those lifeless balls they did use up until now!

I am still searching for an engineer, though. I need one who is able to create a trumble-safe muzzle for them, to prevent them from eating (thus reproducing). Any suggestions where I could find such a genius?

Screet

wackyman465 · Post by **wackyman465** » Tue Dec 30, 2008 3:22 pm

Very simple solution: Airlocks make nice muzzles. Open it wide, then hit the injectors = we'd hate to have them ~~grab on to~~ bump into the ship on the way by...

Screet · Post by **Screet** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 6:07 pm

Hmmm. Even though there's been some writing in this thread, it's still not continued? I do understand very well why there was a pause...but it appears that this pause should be over for quite a long time now. Can this be resumed? I *really* like those stories!

Screet

Captain Hesperus · Post by **Captain Hesperus** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 8:08 pm

Screet wrote:
Hmmm. Even though there's been some writing in this thread, it's still not continued? I do understand very well why there was a pause...but it appears that this pause should be over for quite a long time now. Can this be resumed? I *really* like those stories!

Screet

Yes, we are waiting for the inestimable LittleBear to explain the discrepancy regarding his altimeter's fucntioning whle it was in a vaccuum....

Captain Hesperus

wackyman465 · Post by **wackyman465** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 9:44 pm

Well, while we wait, I have some entertainment for you: describe the person who posted above you in exactly three (3) words.

homicidal clock-tower catoid

LittleBear · Post by **LittleBear** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 10:35 pm

Commander Kaks took a long pull from his pint, before turning to the small bearoid and observing: “I recall visiting Lave's Museum of Antiquities, where the relic was on display, and the craft's altimeter was an atmospheric pressure thingamajig. Since Lave's moon has got virtually no atmosphere, how could a primitive barometric altimeter have worked at all? It is really a mystery to me; hopefully you can enlighten us all about this apparent paradox...”

As soon as the good Commander began speaking, a strange temporal flickering was observed around the bearoid. As the Commander uttered the words “primitive barometric altimeter”, two uniformed figures materialised on either side of the bearoid, taking him roughly by the arms. Saluting smartly one of the mysterious figures turned to the gathered company; “Sorry to disturb you gentlemen. Reality Control.” So saying, the bearoid and his abductors vanished in what can only be described as a puff of un-smoke. His companions stared in astonishment at his empty seat, before becoming convinced that the seat had in fact always been empty. Moments later the bearoid reappeared, looking dishevelled, thin and also insufferably smug.

“Thank you kindly Commander for drawing the ChronoGuard’s attention to that little paradox. As I believe I made abundantly clear before I began telling this tale, I was cautious of disclosing my role in these events for fear of prosecution under the GalCop (Temporal Non-Interference) Regulations. You just blew the whole gaff, by revealing that I had of course modified the device using components from my standard space compass to measure altitude. Naturally I concealed the components behind an S.E.P. field, which gave the impression to any casual observer that the device was a primitive barometric altimeter rather than a sophisticated 30th Century navigation device.

In order to extract the components it was necessary for me to make a rough free hand plan of my Cobra Mk III. Carelessly I left these wireframe sketches of my craft back in the 20th Century, where they were eventually discovered almost 40 years after my departure by two Cambridge undergraduates in 1984.

This in turn caused a series of events to unfold and my retrospective prosecution for wilful temporal interference. After several months of appeals, I was however finally acquitted and my place in the time-line restored, by successfully pleading the defence of pre-destination temporal automatism, first established in the case of R v Wells [2976] Cr App R 275. For those of you unfamiliar with this landmark judgement, allow me to elaborate.

It has of course for centuries been the case that the GalLaw recognises the defence of automatism as a valid defence to any crime save murder, treason and the unlawful poking of edible poets with sticks. Thus, a being who pilots his hover-car through a Stop sign whilst under attack from a swarm of deadly bees commits no offence as he cannot be said to be ‘driving’ since he has no real control of his actions. The defence of pre-destination temporal automatism is less well known, but was first pleaded by one Narg At Wells of Erlage in relation to a charge of the attempted murder of his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather.

As most of you will know young Narg famously invented the first working time machine in 2974. Narg had been fascinated by the idea of time travel from his early childhood, as his mother used to tell him tales of an early ancestor who had written fictional accounts of time travel almost 1000 years earlier. Inspired by his namesake’s stories Narg Wells had one ambition; to create a working time machine. Finally he succeeded and in a fit of peevishness decided as his first act to test the “grandfather paradox” by travelling back in time to murder his own famous fiction writing ancestor.

Well, Narg’s device worked perfectly. He and his Ingram hand laser materialising in his ancestor’s study. Hiding behind a curtain Narg awaited the arrival of his victim. Shortly his ancestor appeared and sat at his desk, staring at a blank page and muttering to himself that he had terrible writer’s block and there were just no new ideas under the sun. Wasting no time, Narg flicked off the safety catch, took careful aim at the back of his ancestor’s head and fired. Inexplicably, the Ingram overheated, failed to discharge correctly and stunned the would-be assassin. When he came to, Narg found his ancestor covering him with his own weapon and demanding to know the reason for this felonious attack on his person. So taken off guard was Narg by the unexpected turn of events that he told his ancestor the truth. Whilst a little miffed at the attack, his ancestor was so taken with this intriguing idea for a story, that he immediately began writing a new novel, allowing Narg to sneak away to his own time.

Upon his arrival he was arrested by GalCop and charged with attempted murder. Narge was however acquitted on the basis that he had throughout acted in a state of pre-destination temporal automatism. Had Narg not attempted to kill his ancestor in the past, the novel “The Time Machine” would never have been written. Had the novel not been written, Narg would not have been inspired to develop a working time machine, which in turn would have prevented him travelling back in time to commit the crime. Unanimously the Galactic Supreme Court held that Narg was not responsible for his actions, as it was pre-destined that he would act as he did.

I was incarcerated for many months before this line of defence occurred to me, but I was able to prove that had I not travelled back in time and left the wireframe plans of the Cobra Mk III back in the 20th Century to be discovered, the Cobra Mk III would never have been designed and I would not have been able to make the trip in the first place.

I believe I have now answered three challenges and will issue my own challenge shortly. Get the drinks in, whilst I retire to the men’s room to remove the Acturan mega leaches which attached themselves to my person whilst I was in custody….

Website · Post by **DaddyHoggy** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 11:21 pm

Lestradae · Post by **Lestradae** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 12:01 am

Ingeniously devious

Captain Hesperus · Post by **Captain Hesperus** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 10:08 am

LittleBear wrote:
<entirely believeable story>....whilst I retire to the men’s room to remove the Acturan mega leaches which attached themselves to my person whilst I was in custody….

Yeah, I feel your pain. Those mega leaches really get tangled in the....errr.... shorter, curlier fur in the areas they are attached to....

And no. I am not going to explain that.

Captain Hesperus

Post by **Disembodied** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 2:52 pm

And now, if the thread is to continue, it's up to LB to request a likely story from another forum member...

LittleBear · Post by **LittleBear** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 9:41 pm

I've heard that Commander McLane was once suspected of involment in the infamous Biargeian edible poet to Soylent green conversion scandle. News reports of this incident are sketchy, but all accounts agree that the good Commander's Imperial Courier was in system at the time and that he was observed purchasing a large quantity of food blenders. Can he explain his highly suspicious actions?

Commander McLane · Post by **Commander McLane** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 7:27 am

Ah, edible poets. Bah.

Okay then. But please let me ask for a little bit of your patience first. It may take some days until ~~I've come up with some unbelievably brazen lies~~ I've sorted out my memories.