Rough Guide to the Ooniverse

[another_commander]

Disembodied, have you ever considered a career as a professional writer? Seriously.

[Selezen]

Bravo, Dis...nice work.

Sorry to be picky, but the capital's name is Ashoria (according to Imprint...). I do want an "Et in Arcadia ego" shirt though...



Incidentally, the map of Lave (as seen in FFE) can be found here: http://hughesd.co.uk/elite/lave_planet.asp.

After reading all that, do you mind if I incorporate it into Lave's description on my site (and probably the wiki) and draw up a map of the area around Lave's capital?

[Commander McLane]

@ Selezen: I would like to see the map, but the link doesn't work, due to the final dot, which is included in the link.

However, if I delete it, I get redirected to http://hughesd.co.uk/elite/utilities/lo ... planet.asp , which isn't useful, as I don't have a login.

[Disembodied]

Thanks, guys. I've corrected the name of the planetary capital. To anybody, please feel free to use this as you see fit! I'll have a few tweaks to make myself no doubt, but anyone who wants to can play around with it. How do I go about getting a login for the map?

@ another_commander: I've had a couple of bits and pieces published, here and there, and do a bit of writing for my job, too. The real bugger with being a professional writer is that it seldom pays a living wage!

[Selezen]

Sorry about that, folks - I had it locked whilst I created content.

It's free now. http://hughesd.co.uk/elite/lave_planet.asp

[Commander McLane]

Thanks, I enjoyed it!

Just as an aside, and as we have discussed critisizing each other in this topic, especially as it comes to spelling and grammar: May I just mention here that you seem particularly vulnerable to a typo which causes you to write "thier" instead of "their"? I've spotted it once in the Lave text, and quite frequently in your writing in general.

[Selezen]

Darn. My achilles heel has been severed again. Yeah, I do actually have a blind spot with thier and their. I learned that "i comes before e except after c", and thus learned to spell "their" wrong. I usually write in MS Word, which picks it up and automatically changes it, but when doing web stuff it does slip through. I do proof read, but I never seem to pick it up even then! Another achilles heel is that I often miss the apostrophe key and hit the semi-colon key, resulting in loads of "I;m" or "I;ve" incidents.

<hangs head in shame>

I've also noticed a marked proclivity recently to type "teh".

I shall endeavour to sort this out. Thanks!

[TGHC]

Bleh typos, we all do it, I always have to proof read before I post because I'm always getting letters in the wrong order like teh. I've convinced myself that it's a sign of intelligence taht my fnigers cannot keep up wtih my brian.

[Commander McLane]

Bleh typos, we all do it, I always have to proof read before I post because I'm always getting letters in the wrong order like teh. I've convinced myself that it's a sign of intelligence taht my fnigers cannot keep up wtih my brian.

Wouldn't it be easier to blame senility and the tremor?

[Disembodied]

Well, it's high time I got back to this again. Here's another planet description, for Tionisla this time. Thanks to Selezen for help and advice!

Tionisla
Economic status: Average Industrial
Technology level: 12
Population: 5.2 billion Lizards
Political status: Democracy
Radius: 4646 km
G: 0.42 standard

“This world is very notable for its inhabitants’ ingrained shyness.”

Tionisla – the dead centre of the galaxy, ho ho. Death might be the Great Leveller, but this is one system where wealthy corpses still hold themselves above the common herd.

You’ll have seen it, if you’ve ever done the run: the Tionisla Orbital Graveyard, “Togy” to its friends, hanging there in solemn splendour between sun and planet. A galaxy of tombs and caskets, sepulchres and mausolea, monuments to past glories and dead heroes. Dead villains, too, truth be told, because it’s nothing more nor less than hard currency that gets you a spot in this cemetery halo now, and vice pays so much better than virtue in our bad old universe.

So what’s so special about this patch of vacuum, anyway? Ancient history, that’s what. Tionisla is where the Co-operative was born in bloodshed, where the TruHu fanatics were smashed at last, where the galaxy was saved for civilisation, long ago. The ancient battle-wrecks sanctified the site, and made it the chosen place of last repose for all the honoured dead. Then those who aspired to honour, in death if not in life, began to join them. Then came the the bureaucracy, the funeral fees, and the profit motive, and now in our less valourous age the only qualification is cold cash. So it goes. It’s still a wonderful place, though. The hot yellow light from Tionisla’s star washes every grave and coffin-ship, and makes each one gleam like gold – until you see those special few which are gold: solid, pure, melting-butter gold, and you can’t ever have even the tiniest little slice of it. Because if you even look like you’re thinking about ripping off one of these rich stiffs, the graveyard guardians will fall on you like raptors on a rodent. Golden sunlight and pathological, do-not-fuck-with security: what more could a body ask for? But we’ll leave the dead to their gilded pleasures, and pass on down planetside.

The main shuttle drop is at Aa, on the eastern continent. On arrival you’ll be issued with your Alien Permit and a mask of your choice. All Tionislans wear masks in public, their heads completely encased in these baroque constructions. Each one is unique, crafted to the owner’s particular specifications, and each is capable of a staggering variety of mechanical transformations, controlled by movements of the jaw, neck and tongue, to express those emotions the wearer wishes to make public. The reptilian citizens of Tionisla are an intensely private people, and guard their true feelings closely. Someone’s mask might be swivelling its eyeballs in jovial good humour, while secretly its wearer’s wattles could be turning blue with rage – although, because of the conscious effort required to puppeteer a mask, Tionislans tend toward introspection and are not generally prone to emotional extremes. At least, not as far as I know.

Your own mask will come with instructions for a limited repertoire of conventional manoeuvres: polite enquiry; polite acceptance; polite refusal. It’s best not to experiment with the controls, really, unless you don’t mind walking around unconsciously announcing philosophical mirth, or furious appreciation for the warmth of your accommodation, or reproductive readiness tinged with melancholy for the demise of a distant but respected relative. Mask-management is a skill you could spend a lifetime trying to master.

It is, in fact, one of the only forms of public entertainment to be found on Tionisla. The audience stand quietly in front of a small curtained stage, and the two performers – never more, never less – poke their heads through slits in the taut crimson curtain. The audience ring their handbells, while the performers cause their masks to gurn and grimace at each other, flicking through a bizarre gamut of expressions with bewildering speed. When an individual audience member has seen enough, he or she tucks their handbell away and leaves the room. When the last observer has departed, the performance – presumably – ends. Frankly, as artforms go, it’s an acquired taste.

For an outworlder, Tionisla can be a lonely place. Few tourists ever come here, and although the inhabitants are formally happy to see you, they’re just as happy to see you go, too. If you like good company, noise, fun, excitement – go elsewhere. If you do find yourself starved of conversation, though, you can always take a trip to Morial and chat with the dead.

For a little over two hundred years now, the Orbital Graveyard Authority has offered this extra service to any of its patrons who wish to leave something more behind than just a well-dressed corpse in a shielded crypt, dangling forever in circumstellar space. For an extra charge, the deceased can have a sub-sentient recording of their mindstate stored in Morial’s vaults. Here their accumulated experiences, wisdom and (it has to be said) vanity is made available to their business partners, descendants and loved ones, and to the occasional morbidly curious tourist. The Authority doesn’t mind – apparently conversation helps keep the quantum processes fresh – and the dead can’t mind, being as they are mere recursive shadows of extinct personalities. The ones I spoke to tended to be a rather boastful bunch, puffed up with simulated pride, but fascinating, too, as historical source material if nothing else. Of course, tall tales abound of hidden treasures, secrets waiting to be revealed when the right question is asked, or the correct code-phrase is uttered; but if they’re true, I never hit the jackpot. Not for want of trying.

It’s a difficult planet to love, Tionisla. But the people are calm, the cities are clean and placid, and much of the architecture is soaringly beautiful if you don’t mind endless staircases. Finally, though, it is utterly unlike anywhere else across the eight sectors – and for the true enthusiast of other worlds, that’s all that matters.

[Cmdr. Maegil]

Why am I having this urge to fire up Monkey Island?

[Selezen]

That's some damn fine fluff there, my man!

[TGHC]

Pure class!

[FSOneblin]

Disembodied, that is one awesome review. Have you ever considered writing a shortened hamlet that takes place in the ooniverse? Or a super hero comic that takes place in the ooniverse? His/Her punc... Ponchoelgran, must... kill... Ponchoelgran...


Don't panic, FSOneblin

[Disembodied]

Thanks, guys, glad you like it! It's a lot easier than writing stories: no plot, no characters, no need to move events from beginning to middle to end...

@FSOneblin, I've considered doing maybe some short stories, perhaps with continuing characters, set in the Ooniverse... I've got an idea floating around just now about a funeral in Tionisla. I'd love to be able to do something more substantial, along the lines of Drew's Status Quo, but I don't know if I've got the depth of vision or the discipline! You never know, though. Dunno about a comic: I don't have the art skills and I suspect that it's a whole other kind of talent involved in the writing -- more like making a screenplay, probably.