Mutabilis Chapter Five

[drew]

Here we go. Apologies for the delay!

Chapter Five

Cheers,

Drew.

edit: minor typos fixed as of 9am 18/06.

[Jack_H]

Hey Drew,

Im reading this on my work break. got some crit for you:

"The ground was largely composed of rocky outcroppings, buried here
and there in dunes of sand. Everything was cast in a deep red hue by the
light of the red dwarf, which hung low in the sky like a huge arch of glowing
embers. It was possible to look directly at it without hurting your eyes.
Overhead the sky was black, with the brightest stars visible. Down
towards the horizon the thin atmosphere slowly coloured the sky a deep
purple. The horizon curved noticeably around him, the diameter of the planet
being far smaller than most habitable worlds."

This bit really jars me. Mainly because of the unrealistic (to me) physics.

the ground is MOSTLY croppings which are HERE and THERE through the sand. which one is it? mostly sand or mostly rock?

"hanging low like a huge arch of glowing embers" - The sun is round, its not an arch, but then i think 'ok maybe its setting and is an arch against the horizon' but then i keep reading and then talk about the horizon separate from the sun. then you talk about a black sky above which contradicts with light in the atmosphere. what you describe seems impossible and yeah I totally didn't get it.

Finally, this planet is smaller than normal, yet there is no reference to walking difficulties or non standard gravity. Unless the planet is artificial and has fake gravity, you should probably make some allowance for a galloping gait or space suit shuffle or something.

No doubt you've got an image in your mind, but you should make sure you have it clear in your mind because it wasn't clear to me a reader. of course i could be just a dumb reader and everyone else gets it.

on another note, a rewrite could get rid of a few words:


"Rocky outcropping littered the sandy surface of the planet. The red dwarf star above painted everything in a deep red hue. Jim squinted directly at the glowing ember like star without blinding pain. the brightest stars were visible directly above as the thin atmosphere turned from red to purple. The horizon curved noticeably around him, the diameter of the planet
being far smaller than most habitable worlds."


another HGTG moment: A wholly unremarkable planet..at the end of the universe?

Ok, kept reading, found this:
"The gravity was low too, less than half a typical colonised planet, and
less even than the environment aboard a station. It seemed strange that it had
managed to retain an atmosphere."

i dontk now about you, but a different gravity would be the first thing i notice when i step off a ship onto an alien world. you should probably put it at the beginning of this section so there is no confusion among readers.

"On the nearby horizon a group of caverns sat starkly," How do you sit starkly? I would be keen to learn, it sounds interesting


"The locator trace was pointing directly towards them."

there are many examples of when you do this. Why not change to "The locator trace pointed directly towards them." Saved a word, sentence is stronger. win-win!


Reading along...loving what Zerz is saying about Raxxla intervention in engineering. awesome stuff!


well anyway my breaks up. Hopefully i've given you something to think about...

[Frame]

Here we go. Apologies for the delay!

Chapter Five

Cheers,

Drew.

edit: minor typos fixed as of 9am 18/06.

lovely... good chapter

Cheers Frame...

[LittleBear]

Nice Twist!

[TGHC]

Excellent as usual.

[drew]

Thanks for all the responses so far folks, glad you're still enjoying the story despite the delays in production....

Jack, thanks for the feedback.. to respond:

I based the description of Oresrati on a 1960s artists impression of Mars that I have in my book collection. It's totally inaccurate of course (this was prior to the Viking lander missions which showed a salmon coloured sky etc), but it's quite a compelling vista.

I had in mind that the red dwarf was indeed setting and, you're right, that's not clear from the text. I imagined it as huge in the sky, its edge marking the same sort of arc in the sky as a rainbow might on earth. Oresrati is orbitting very close and very fast.

As for the horizon, it's the 'rest' of the horizon, away from the dwarf that I was describing and I think the idea of blackness overhead and a tinged horizon does work, as I've seen similar things from mountains in Scandinavia beyond the arctic circle in winter, where you can see stars overhead despite the horizon being aglow.

As for the gravity, Jim was surveying the scene from the Constrictors gangplank, so hadn't set foot on the surface at that point. I've assumed that Elite ships generate their own artificial gravity and this would still be active. I also assumed that the onboard computer/sensor systems would check the external conditions prior to opening up the hatch, so Jim would technically 'know' about the lower gravity and breathable atmosphere without having been exposed to it at that point. There was an explanation about all of this in the text originally, but I deleted it because it felt too much like explaining something that would probably be taken for granted in the Elite/Oolite world. I'll go back and clarify though, it's a good point.

Sit starkly - yes, clumsy. Will rewrite.

Thanks for the feedback, these stories end up much stronger with this input!

Cheers,

Drew.

[Captain Hesperus]

This much talent should be illegal in one person! Nice work, drew!

Captain Hesperus

[TGHC]

This board is full of it

[drew]

This much talent should be illegal in one person! Nice work, drew!

Captain Hesperus

<blush>
Thanks!
</blush>

You guys do the real magic - building the game and keeping Elite alive! I'm in awe of the ship designs (thinking Imperial Couriers and Generation ships) and complex OXPs (Assassins, Pirate Coves) and completely lost by the programming discussions. That's the real talent IMHO. My OXP contribution is primitive by comparison. Not to mention the enormous scale of the wiki contribution.

Glad the stories are appreciated though, that's all the encouragement I need!

Cheers,

Drew.

[Cmdr. Maegil]

so Jim would technically 'know' about the lower gravity and breathable atmosphere without having been exposed to it at that point.

If the gravity is low, the atmosphere would be too thin even if its composition is breathable . Assuming that it can sustain a human, remember that as much as visiting Cusco is more often than not enough to make people mountain sick. Any form of physical exertion at a such low gravity (and thus, pressure) as you describe would most likely result in a nasty case of hypoxia.
He should be wearing at least an oxygen mask with a tank and/or a small compressor.

[drew]

If the gravity is low, the atmosphere would be too thin even if its composition is breathable . Assuming that it can sustain a human, remember that as much as visiting Cusco is more often than not enough to make people mountain sick. Any form of physical exertion at a such low gravity (and thus, pressure) as you describe would most likely result in a nasty case of hypoxia.
He should be wearing at least an oxygen mask with a tank and/or a small compressor.

Actually, gravity has very little to do with atmospheric pressure. Take Venus for example, lower gravity than earth and 100 times the pressure at the surface, or TItan (Saturn's biggest moon) 1/5 the gravity, yet 1.6 times the pressure of the Earths.

Atmospheric pressure is down to the processes on the planet/moon (volcanic, geothermic or biological) that replenish the atmosphere. Dead planets/moon have no atmospheres as they bleed off into space.

Thus Oresrati must have *something* replenishing its atmosphere....

Cheers,

Drew.

[Jack_H]

Yes, but he also mentions that he knows it shoudln't have an atmosphere, but does... perhaps there is some larger force here at work? some mystical entity?

Of Cousre Kessel had oxygen dumps but without the gravity to hold it, the planet had a comet tail of oxygen as the atmosphere continually left the planet and was rebuilt..but han solo had to wear an oxygen mask anyway.


Im a bit suspect about artificial gravity on the gang plank (thinking it pokes out the side of the ship) but if the plank is under the ship then i guess there could still be some artificial gravity control.

There is a difference between reading gravity numbers and actually taking that first step and going 'wow, that feels way different'..of course even if he was a seasoned traveller, he would note, although without excitement or concern, that the gravity was different.

Going back to that initial scene detail - yes what you describe sounds pretty awesome. I thought you were going for something spectacular like that, and after explanation, does make sense...of course you need to have that detail upfront in stories these days

With the blackness and the horizon, i am still a little confused, i guess. if you wanted a huge sun, as big as a rainbow, effectively, then surely it isn't ust crowning the horizon, it is taking up a good percentage of the sky. Surely that would make a good whack of the sky.. 'coloured', would it not?

Anyway, its your world, you can do what you want, but for those without scandanavian experience...not that that is your concern i guess...end of the day, just go with what you want, its your stoyr.



I wasn't highlighting 'Starkly' as wrong...i mean tehnically it wasn't the right word, but that doesn't mean it was wrong. I think it gives a very jarry image cos of the complete mismatch of the words..i think you should take a closer look and think about it before removing that particular line.

[Cmdr. Maegil]

Actually, gravity has very little to do with atmospheric pressure. Take Venus for example, lower gravity than earth and 100 times the pressure at the surface, or TItan (Saturn's biggest moon) 1/5 the gravity, yet 1.6 times the pressure of the Earths.
Atmospheric pressure is down to the processes on the planet/moon (volcanic, geothermic or biological) that replenish the atmosphere. Dead planets/moon have no atmospheres as they bleed off into space.

Those atmospheres are so dense because of the composition. On Venus case, the CO2's higher molar mass is responsible for a heavier atmosphere while on Titan's case, I believe it is caused by the low temperature and the presence of a high amount of a methane liquid haze from the replenishment you described.

[Jack_H]

I admit I dont know exactly what the rule is there, and that is something that I would want to know. My take on it is:

Air has a mass. It is affected by Gravity. If there is not enough gravity on the planet, it has no reason to stay - the top molecules will stay where they are when the planet moves in its orbit and more moelcules will take its place at the top of the atmosphere, etc, until there is no atmosphere left, such as mars.

A planet like venus has volcanoes etc or whatever to refil the atmosphere, but Venus isn't losing atmosphere...whatever it has there is nice and happy.

C02 is a heavy gas, so less likely to leave the planet and settle to the ground, creating a higher 'sea level' pressure..

An atmosphere of Nitrogen dioxide (pretty much what ours is) is ~2/3 the weight of C02, but then the pressure at earth surface level is not 2/3 of venus. I really shouldknow whats going on here, being a thermodynamic engineer, but i bet its the partial pressure of water vapour in the air which keeps our overall pressure tolerable (or vice versa for venus)

But if someone knows exactly what the process is, let me know. im always keen to learn new things!

[Jack_H]

Ok, im doing reading.

I was right in a way, it is the partial pressures which are the telling point. High partial pressure result from higher temperatures.

It was believed that Venus had oceans of water in its past, which were heated, evaporated and went into the atmosphere. this creates greenhouse effect which warms the surface, bringing more water into the air (high temp = high partial pressure) so that thep ressure kept building and the temp kept increasing

If Venus had been further from the sun, the run away affect might not have happened.

cant explain titan..yet...