Status Quo, Chapter Four.

drew · Post by **drew** » Thu Jul 13, 2006 11:45 am

Edit : Individual chapters no longer available, but you can download the complete version here

This my 'zap kapow' chapter. I've never written a space battle before. Hopefully I've pulled it off with a bit of panache. It's a space trading/combat game after all!

Feedback welcome as always!

Cheers,

Drew.

Roberto · Post by **Roberto** » Thu Jul 13, 2006 12:27 pm

Really enjoying this, Drew

Though now I'm starting to feel guilty about all those traders I've lasered into oblivion...!

Roberto · Post by **Roberto** » Thu Jul 13, 2006 11:48 pm

One tiny niggle: "Lay on Macduff, little sister" sounds odd (since Macbeth was addressing Macduff) - I'd just have "Lay on, Macduff," Red replied.

(Actually, most people would probably say "Lead on, Macduff", meaning "Let's go", but maybe Red is a Shakespeare buff!)

Roberto · Post by **Roberto** » Fri Jul 14, 2006 12:02 am

Dammit, I can't help it once I've got started! One more thing to note for the future - you occasionally make an error called the comma splice. But then so do most writers (and subeditors)...

Okay, *two* more things! Consider using hyphens for compound expressions/adjectives preceding a noun:

"long, drawn-out route"
"tech-mad Tionisla"
"seven-light-year jumps"
etc

I'll stop now

God, that felt good!

Selezen · Post by **Selezen** » Fri Jul 14, 2006 8:38 am

Roberto wrote:
One tiny niggle: "Lay on Macduff, little sister" sounds odd (since Macbeth was addressing Macduff) - I'd just have "Lay on, Macduff," Red replied.

(Actually, most people would probably say "Lead on, Macduff", meaning "Let's go", but maybe Red is a Shakespeare buff!)

I actually thought that Drew was using 'lay on Macduff' as a corruption of an archaic phrase (which, let's face it, most of our speech would be to a 32nd century bod). In a thousand years, 'lead on, MacDuff' could become 'lay on Macduff' quite easily, the same way some twentieth century words and phrases are contractions or corruptions, for example the term OK.

aegidian · Post by **aegidian** » Fri Jul 14, 2006 9:08 am

Nice Chapter - I'm going to use a quote from it on Oolite's website in future!

CWolf · Post by **CWolf** » Fri Jul 14, 2006 10:31 am

I like it. Also I agree - missquoting is a lot more realistic.

To be honest, it wouldn't suprise me if by the time this is set Shakespere hasn't been re-translated to "Modern speak" - like the Bible.

Roberto · Post by **Roberto** » Fri Jul 14, 2006 10:40 am

"Lay on, Macduff" is the actual quote from Macbeth; "Lead on..." is the corruption! But yes, by the 32nd century, people could be saying "Lay on" again - especially since (regardless of how the language has evolved) they would undoubtedly still have access to the (fixed) Shakespeare text.

Anyway, this is getting over-analytical

Roll on chapter five...

Roberto · Post by **Roberto** » Fri Jul 14, 2006 10:50 am

I guess in an age dominated by spaceflight, the phrase "lay in a course" could result in "lay on" being used as "go ahead", "lead on"

ArkanoiD · Post by **ArkanoiD** » Fri Jul 14, 2006 11:47 am

A fews second of uncontrolled spin after side collision shouldn't be hard to implement, why not?

But why didn't Jim destroy the Courier after collision? Its shields should be weakened so it could not stand a good blow of military laser..

Rxke · Post by **Rxke** » Fri Jul 14, 2006 11:56 am

One discrepancy with Oolite: you *do* scoop escapepods, at least since 1.65 one can do that. If they're pirates it gets you bounty for capturing them; civilians you get paid by insurance....

So that part jars a bit with the Ooniverse we've come to know...

To loosely quote Giles: even NPC ships go out of their way to scoop escapepods, with the new A.I. ....

Great stuff, other than that.

ArkanoiD · Post by **ArkanoiD** » Fri Jul 14, 2006 12:06 pm

Rxke wrote:
One discrepancy with Oolite: you *do* scoop escapepods, at least since 1.65 one can do that. If they're pirates it gets you bounty for capturing them; civilians you get paid by insurance....

So that part jars a bit with the Ooniverse we've come to know...

To loosely quote Giles: even NPC ships go out of their way to scoop escapepods, with the new A.I. ....

Great stuff, other than that.

I guess scooping escape pods became common practice later..

drew · Post by **drew** » Fri Jul 14, 2006 9:21 pm

Comma Splice - Guilty as charged, I prefer it as a style though.

Never liked hyphens much. Had a girlfriend with a hyphenated name long ago, never recovered!

As for the 'Lay on, MacDuff'... All of your explanations are much better than mine, choose one of the above!

Which quote btw, Aegidian? Look forward to seeing that!

I only just upgraded my copy of Oolite yesterday and discovered the pod scooping business in 1.65. This is obviously a result of the 'great pod scooping caper' that happened during the holiday season of 3141, way after the events being portrayed....

Would be interested in seeing some collision 'shake, rattle and roll'. It could be interesting!

Cheers,

Drew.

Roberto · Post by **Roberto** » Sat Jul 15, 2006 12:28 am

Comma Splice - Guilty as charged, I prefer it as a style though.

It pains me, because it's just, well, wrong, and running two sentences together usually makes things worse for the reader (unless, as in the example on Wikipedia, the sentences are v short and alike). But hey, no one seems to care about grammar these days - well, outside the publishing world, anyway.

Never liked hyphens much. Had a girlfriend with a hyphenated name long ago, never recovered!

This is more understandable

drew · Post by **drew** » Sat Jul 15, 2006 7:43 am

Fair enough. I'm getting more partial to the good old semicolon, so will put that to good use instead!

Cheers,

Drew.

Oolite Bulletins

Status Quo, Chapter Four.

Status Quo, Chapter Four.

Looks like Oolite physics should be improved ;-)