Dark Temple.

[DruidDave]

This is the first attempt at linking a chapter from book two (Dark Temple) to this site.
This is probably the most Oolite specific chapter I have currently finished.
I'll add others as I finish them.
I'm happy to receive feedback.


https://app.box.com/s/qkzbsjepu6izif6idz08

(I hope this works.)

[DruidDave]

Ok, the first one looks like it works. Here's a different chapter (number 28).

https://app.box.com/s/zjj0g9ex4ilkmy6fwila

This ones a little more cryptic in it's Oolite connection at this stage. It ties in much later with the rest of the series.
They are still rough drafts so some work will be done on the final edit when the volume is completed.
Some things may change in the final version.

Hope you enjoy them.
David.

[Disembodied]

Looks interesting! A couple of minor comments: chapter 1 starts in the present tense but there's a switchover to the past tense, and you might need to make it clearer in chapter 28 that the bulk of the chapter is being read out by Phallian - perhaps provide a scene-setting where Phallian sees the manuscript, it is described briefly to the reader, and where he picks up the manuscript and begins to read. If you want to could maybe even indent the manuscript section, and/or use italics or even a different font.

[Cody]

L. Ron Hubbard, eh? <chortles> What Disembodied said, and indenting (L&R) with italics works for me.

[DruidDave]

Thanks guys, I think the indenting sounds like a great idea. I'll definitely smooth out those tenses too.

Tiny Ron only got his rank and surname while I was writing that chapter, It amused me too.
Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it. sometimes it's hard to switch between reader and writer because I know what I'm saying (or going to say later) so it's great to have fresh perspectives to see it from.

I'm working through the Oolite chapters in book one now so once I've got those done I'll add them in.
There'll obviously be a temporal distortion between posts.


David.

[Cody]

Tiny Ron only got his rank and surname while I was writing that chapter...

Curious how that can happen, ain't it - characters' names seem to auto-create themselves sometimes.

[DruidDave]

It's fun the way characters can evolve on their own like that. There are a couple of them I have to keep a tight reign on though or they could take over the whole story. Phallian being the most difficult to contain.

I've updated chapter 28, (Vernon frog little) and found a bit of tense issues there which I've also attempted to smooth out. I took your advice and went with both indentation and font changes to clarify what is being quoted. You'll also notice a little extra insight into Phallian.
I'll get back to Ron later, I managed to break a three year writers block with part of book 1 yesterday and I want to use the momentum to try and finish it by the end of the year.

Thanks for the feedback guys, it's been really helpful already.

D.

Update: Having just been 'in game' I've set Vernon's world as Teanrebi, it fits with all the facts to date and those which don't show up yet. I've added this into the book file but not on this shared file.

[DruidDave]

For those who are interested, I've just added chapter 3 E-Dragon; Rogue cyber ghost. on box, here is the link:

https://app.box.com/s/gn4c7h619ny6vgqu20df

Again, not exactly Oofic on its own, but it does tie in eventually.
Also a rough work, just trying to get the basic stories out of my head and onto "paper" { } right now.
Book two is basically a collection of interconnected short stories which will read as a single book when finished or lead into new parts of the story in later books, hence there won't appear to be much in common between what I've already shared.
I'll tidy the whole thing up as a single entity when it's all finished.
Hope you enjoy this instalment.
David.

[DruidDave]

After a year of unexpected drama and distractions I've managed to get back to these books.

This part is from book one, working title currently is "Guardians Guild"
It's the point at which Tiny Ron first appears in the series.
Hope those who've already read the "Dark Temple" chapters enjoy the overdue addition.
There's more to come of Ron in book one, I'll get them up here as soon as they're ready.

https://app.box.com/s/6o4pb6gk71l3a16ip05b

It's the rough draft so it needs polish but I'm encouraging feedback.

[Cholmondely]

After a year of unexpected drama and distractions I've managed to get back to these books.

Did these books ever get anywhere?