Oolite Darwin Awards

[marcusrg]

Those are really good cases for Darwin Awards... my story is old, everybody may have done this before... when I was speeding to reach coriolis station, I pressed A for mistake, and boom, lots of vipers towards me!

I have done exactly the same!!! Shift-_ is your friend in this case. Puts all your weapons offline. Some would think that disabling all your weapons prior to docking would just be an immersion thing, but it really does make sense to dock safely with your weapons cold just to avoid this scenario.

Hey, thanks for the hint... and what do you press when you want your weapons back?

[Disembodied]

Hey, thanks for the hint... and what do you press when you want your weapons back?

Same again: shift-_ brings them back online.

[marcusrg]

Ok, thanks again.

[Bugbear]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't like the Black Monks.

Nothing but corporate psychopaths hiding behind a thin veil of religion.

Any time I see them picking on one of their victims/customers, it makes my blood boil.

But I need to learn that it's not a good idea to harass a clean Black Monk gunship in the presence of a half dozen or so Navy Asps, with backup in the form of another 6 or 8 trader vessels, when I've only got 0.5LY of witchspace fuel for my injectors.

...at least, I should wait until the Monks open fire on their victim...

(if only I could purchase some weapons that could take out a Black Monk monastery or two...)

[Commander McLane]

(if only I could purchase some weapons that could take out a Black Monk monastery or two...)

<shameless plug>Whatever your problem is,  Killit™ is the solution. </shameless plug>

[Bugbear]

(if only I could purchase some weapons that could take out a Black Monk monastery or two...)

<shameless plug>Whatever your problem is,  Killit™ is the solution. </shameless plug>

I totally laughed my head off the first time I looked upon the OMGWTFBBQweapon. Shame the price tag is a bit out of reach for a poor, struggling trader like myself.

A lovely piece of work.

[Commander McLane]

(if only I could purchase some weapons that could take out a Black Monk monastery or two...)

<shameless plug>Whatever your problem is,  Killit™ is the solution. </shameless plug>

I totally laughed my head off the first time I looked upon the OMGWTFBBQweapon. Shame the price tag is a bit out of reach for a poor, struggling trader like myself.

You could take out a big loan with the Black Monks (well, unfortunately they give you only 20000). After deploying the weapon it won't matter anymore anyway.

[Jake]

I've just wrapped my Cobra Mk1 round a Nav Beacon because I was distracted reading this thread. How's that for irony?

[Shipbuilder]

Jake - You think that that's bad - I crashed in to a planet while being distracted by the bb once

[Rese249er]

It's for reasons like that I advocate for more autopilot OXPs. If you're multitasking, you can keep an ear out for alerts and your eyes on your browser without crashing into the scenery.

[Smivs]

I've just wrapped my Cobra Mk1 round a Nav Beacon because I was distracted reading this thread. How's that for irony?

Jake - You think that that's bad - I crashed in to a planet while being distracted by the bb once

What can I say?


<Crash!!!!!>

[Rese249er]

Cruisin along in an Anarchy system, bout to scoop a cargo pod. IFF Scanner shows a bounty and a Galcop formation. I shrug and scoop the can, get fired on. A Cob1 decided he didn't care about a Navy frigate plus escorts. He took one capacitor down before getting vaped by a full broadside of lasers.

Thanks Navy Frigate HRE163-DI2! If I could send a thankyou in game I would.

[DeathKnyte]

There's been a few, but here are the ones that are burnt into my memory....


#1: First learning how to play the game - Manual docking attempt:
Ship = Cobra Mk. III

"okay... Looks like I'm lined up pretty good... just a little more to the left... great, now then, slow down and try to get the ships' roll to match with the station... where's the "S" key again?"
Look at keyboard, find key and place finger near it, look back at the screen.
"Oh My God! I'm coming in too fast!! Hit the breaks!!!
Plunge finger down on keyboard - hit the "A" key instead of "S" key - laser fires into docking bay.
A few seconds later....

*** Press Space Commander ***



#2: On my way to the main station in a system and discovering my first Hoopy Casino:
Ship = Boa Class Cruiser

"Oh neat. I wonder if they have baccarat?"
Slow down, admire sign, start circling casino.
"Where's the door?"
Cruise around station some - spot what looks like a docking bay.
"This looks like it"
Ease ship into proper angle and start approaching orifice.
"Why is it so dark?" "They should have better lighting for this..."
Stop (about) 10 meters from entering dock.
"I'll go in real slow, if it's not the entrance, I'll just tap the station wall. Shields will certainly absorb it."
Set speed for .001 km/h.
"Tap" far wall inside tunnel.
BOOM!

*** Press Space Commander ***



#3. Maises system: Stumble upon my first Seedy Space Bar:
Ship = Anaconda

Wow... Weird little machines that scurry around the asteroids here... Nice neon sign... Where's the door?
Find something that looks like it.
Okay, this must be it. I'll hang here for a bit, see if anyone comes out... (I am not going to get fooled like at the casino)
No one leaves, but something passed by me and landed.
All right. Gonna have some fun in here, I can feel it.
Line up ship and enter dock.
Receive fine of 5,000 credits for not asking clearance first.
Fiddle around with the contracts bulletin, try to accept several easy ones (I'm flyin' a 'Conda, after all), and manage to not get any, but also am ridiculed for my attempts.
Everyone at the bar laughs at me. They mock my ship too (or so it seemed).
"Screw this. I'm outa here. You guys can all get stuffed, for all I care..."
Launch ship. I'm fuming and humiliated.
I need to kill something. That will lighten me up.
Almost immediately spot a ship and verify with my scanner: Bailiff, (I forget the name, but it was female gender).
"Bailiff?! What kind of ship is that? Identification shows as neither clean, offender, or fugitive? Don't matter, I despise bailiffs (in real life)"
My eyes narrow, I creep up for a surprise kill shot on her 6 o' clock low.
Squeeze trigger.
Twenty seconds later....

*** Press Space Commander ***

[DeathKnyte]

More recent ones...

#4. Drop off for some UPS documents in Alesqu system:
Ship = Boa Class Cruiser

Just our of witchspace.
I'm carrying 24 passengers, and over 10 kilotons or precious metal contracts, from the Old Worlds, heading for the Tortuga Expanse.
I'm on a real tight schedule, but there ain't gonna be any more Democratic systems after this, so I side jumped here, to fulfill my UPS obligations.
Besides, I haven't saved the game in at least 20+ jumps. This will serve that as well...
Fiddle with compass, settle on main station nav buoy. Engage jump drives. Look up at screen.
A huge object in the distance - looks like a ship, but my scanner is empty?
Must be a glitch in the game.
A minute or so later on - Mass locked by a horde of little blips - and a huge ship.
"Woah. This must be a "liner."
Cruise around it (all my passengers gawking at the viewing ports with me).
I remember reading somewhere, that you can dock with these things too.
Okay... Not gonna get taken like last time - I ask for clearance first - it's granted.
"Where's the door? It must be at the back..."
Cruise to the rear (I assumed it was the rear - cause it was the facing opposite of the liners' heading).
Find two things that look like they might be doors - one left and one right.
"One must be the in-door, and the other must be the out-door... Now which is which?
I better check the readme, see who made the oxp - if he's British, I'll know to go to the opposite door I would normally use. (heh - I think of everything )
Too many people in the credits section. Okay - I'll choose the rear right one, in that case...
Liner: "Hurry up commander your time is about to expire!"
No probs - Line up my ship - push speed to max cruise.
BOOM!

*** Press Space Commander ***



#5. Best fighter in the Ooniverse:
Ship = Asp Mk II

Ororqu system; twiddling my thumbs.
I'm feeling confident now, in my combat / dog fighting abilities. Let's try the best combat ship in the game...
Purchase Asp Mk II.
Buy everything else that is available for it - except no escape pod (I'm not going to save the game), and no aft laser (I can't fight with one, yet, so not going to waste time with it), and no missiles (it can carry just one any ways).
Launch from station, and go to far side of nav buoy.
Laser nav buoy - police vipers launch - the scrap is on!
One hour later: "Wow - what an incredible ship! I'm still alive, with near all systems working!"
I have 60 kills since buying this thing - 10 are police - no more police come - I've obliterated everything in the system, except the station.
I see that the bounty on my head keeps increasing, when I shoot at stuff near the station.
The scanner is like a snow storm - no, make that like an avalanche - there's so many white blips all over it - more than at the Tionsola Graveyard.
"This ship is incredible. I'm invincible in this thing. Too bad it can't carry cargo."
Max speed - looking at the F5 screen - bounty currently at 499 credits.
"I wonder how high it can go?"
Hit F1 key.
"Is that the side of the station?"
BOOM!

*** Press Space Commander ***



#6. The contract from hell:
Ship = Fer-de-Lance

I took an "easy" contract at the latest Seedy Space Bar drive through.
Well, it's classified as a medium, but the target is flying an Anaconda - Like how hard can that be to kill?
Enter last whereabouts system, locate him - and his (surprise) escort of cronies.
Long story short - he had lots of surprises up his sleeve. But it's just him and me now.
My ship is half shot, but he's worse off. Pieces falling from his ship - range 8 km, he witches out.
I follow, find him, manage to dodge, evade, and kill other nasty surprises (I don't want to spoil the mission for those of you having not taken it).
I get the final kill shot from 6 km, listen to his bestowed death curse upon me, and take stock.
Now my ship is nearly completely scragged. Everything in the F5 screen shows as orange, except for some lasers and my ITHA license, are all that remain in the yellow.
I set course for the main station, hoping not to encounter anything - anything at all.
It's been over 2 hours - I need to save the game - so badly. Don't want to go through all that again...
A yellow blip shows up, it's a hospital ship, it cruises by. Then starts to call for help.
I ignore it, at least my hands do. My brain forces itself not to listen to it's pleas.
More cries of despair flood my ship speakers - I know I can't do anything.
...
It's his fault - space is dangerous - he should know better.
...
I curse into the computer screen - yank back on the stick, and head for him.
A few minutes later...

*** Press Space Commander ***

[Agis Silverfish]

Today I learned that docking under fire is not a good idea. I was almost there and KABOOOM. I was only centimetres away.