Rough Guide to the Ooniverse

[Hoopy]

it's not going to do any harm - as long as it's marked on the wiki (or wherever) as 'forum fiction' rather than a full on 'novella' I can't see any reason for anyone to be offended.

[Roberto]

It's not that I think stuff like this is going to offend - it's that I'm not convinced it's going to do anything for new players, which is the goal here.

[Disembodied]

@ Commander McLane: good idea re. the Star Wars ships etc. -- cosplay taken to extremes! Or perhaps they are followers of a hokey old religion... And Selezen's timelines and other material on the Wiki should definitely be seen as important sources. Of course, history isn't what happened; it's just what got written down -- so as far as I'm concerned there's plenty of room for manouevre within a very broad framework. Particularly when you get down to specific places, people and incidents not covered by the broad sweep of generally accepted fact. Much real-life historical fiction plays fast and loose with events and individuals, real and imagined. No reason for us to be any different!

@ Lestradae: I think Mr Nasty Roberto has a point here. The report of a recovered (or simulated?) Thargoid warship is a good idea for a story, particularly one in a sensationalist publication. Rumours abound, and news is unreliable. But -- especially for the principal audience, which here will be players new to Oolite, who probably haven't visited the forum (and maybe never will) -- we'd need more than just reported dialogue between characters derived from forum members.

If you could turn your idea into a report claiming that Benulobiweed, Inc. (those notorious creators of experimental craft) have captured a Thargoid battleship, and e.g. that they intend to reverse-engineer it with possibly appalling consequences, that would definitely be worth including. You'd need some way to explain how you, the reporter, found out (which should ideally be inconclusive, or at least deniable on behalf of Benulobiweed, Inc.); an unlikely account of how they came into possession of the ship; sensational (and contradictory) claims by wild-eyed "experts" as to what this all means; angry, even threatening official denials by Benulobiweed, Inc. staff; a stolidly dull statement from the Galactic Navy to the effect that "We are monitoring the situation... if Benulobiweed, Inc. or any other loyal Co-op members have any information relating to recovered Thargoid technology it is their patriotic duty to inform their nearest Galactic Navy representative", etc. If you could provide some blurry and unconvincing pictures of the ship, that would be even better!

There could be a whole "Through the Wormhole" column, featuring dubious shock-horror stories. Hair-raising reports of what really goes on inside the bowels of a SLAPU, for example, or "I Married a Thargoid", or "Elvis 4000 Ate My Baby"...

As for the "oo" thing... again, Roberto has a point. I'm guilty of it, in adverts anyway, and I'll continue to do it: partly to irk Roberto but mainly because it means that all I have to do is take an existing advert or product, stick in an "oo" and I'm done! Anyway, I've now made <checks> 62 adverts, and only 10 of them are for "oo" products. But in text, it's probably best to avoid it.

[Lestradae]

No offense taken!

If you think it fits in, put it in, if not, not. It was said that short stories from the Ooniverse should/could be in it, so I offered two.

Cheers

L

[Roberto]

I'll continue to do it: partly to irk Roberto

Damn you, sir! Lasers at dawn, etc

@Lestradae
It's not for me to decide what goes into this thing (it's not even my idea), but I think what you've written would be far more suitable if, as Disembodied suggests, you develop it beyond the bare dialogue into an actual story (news or otherwise).

[Lestradae]

what you've written would be far more suitable if, as Disembodied suggests, you develop it beyond the bare dialogue into an actual story (news or otherwise).

Well, let`s see if I will have an inspiration. Perhaps I`ll do that.

Cheers

L

[Kaks]

(which should ideally be inconclusive, or at least deniable on behalf of Benulobiweed, Inc.)

..develop it beyond the bare dialogue into an actual story

Couldn't agree more! Just to set the record straight:

"While I've got nothing against being mentioned in the press, I wish to disassociate myself from such wild stories. As it can be verified from official records and numerous eye witnesses, I was nowhere near any Benulobiweed premise at the time.
While I have met the Chairman of Benulobiweed Inc at the time of Kaks Korp's acquisition, it has been a long while since I've had the pleasure.

Furthermore, while I'm assured Commander Lestradae is also a valued employee of the Benulobiweed family of companies, I don't recall ever meeting the gentlebeing."

Credit where it's due, though. Lestradae, there's one aspect of tabloid journalism that you already got perfectly right: I was reading about what I was supposed to have said without having a clue about what to expect next!

Now I know how all those b list celebs feel when reading about themselves in rags like 'Hello':
<strop> The Kaks in your story doesn't even sound like me!</strop>

[Lestradae]

Furthermore, while I'm assured Commander Lestradae is also a valued employee of the Benulobiweed family of companies, I don't recall ever meeting the gentlebeing."

Credit where it's due, though. Lestradae, there's one aspect of tabloid journalism that you already got perfectly right: I was reading about what I was supposed to have said without having a clue about what to expect next!

Now I know how all those b list celebs feel when reading about themselves in rags like 'Hello':
<strop> The Kaks in your story doesn't even sound like me!</strop>

Dear fellow Hackers,

the truth is out there!

They have already started the desinformation machinery. Around midnight, Kak`s Korp denied any involvements in the events pictured on the now widely circulated, strangely blurry spydrone videotape. This means IT MUST ALL BE TRUE!!!

Continue to circulate video. Don`t let their repressions stop you!

Message ends.

***

So, also to set the record straight. All the above is, naturely, all good fun written down in Benulobiweed mood.

There is no connection whatsoever between Benulobiweed Inc., Kak`s Korp is not involved in secret testings of any kind and while Commander Lestradae exists, he is not a testpilot at Benulobiweed and has not testflown any craft for this cooperation.

While a crashed object has indeed been found on the continent of New Roswell in the Ceesxe system, its octogonal shape is due to its former function as a weather satelite, a fact the blurry so-called "video" is trying to conceal.

Whoever claims something to the contrary, is just circulating conspiracy theories, presumably for the heck of it.

Commander Lestradae

[Commander McLane]

Include everything you've answered ohle here. I think it's great to have somebody from the target group around and asking his questions. Because these are exactly the questions the Rough Guide should address.

Probably it doesn't need to be one article, but can be splitted into fictional encyclopedia entries, a short interview with a veteran trader (concerning the best trading clues) and other stuff like that.

EDIT: corrected typo (group, not grout)

[TGHC]

So this will be more of a hints and tips than a FAQ then, I think then perhaps they could be combined.

[Disembodied]

Yup, I was thinking that... I'll take what everyone has said to ohle and try to put it into something a bit less didactic.

[Disembodied]

OK, I've put together a first draft of "Advice to Young Jamesons", as given by a somewhat opinionated official in Lave station. It's about 2,200 words long, so I'll split it into two posts -- although it is all one long ramble. Comments, criticisms, etc. all gratefully received, from veterans and newcomers alike (in fact, especially from newcomers). Is this useful? Atmospheric? Practical (i.e. would people read through this before sailing out the station)? Should it be shorter, or does it need more detail anywhere, or should it be less or more didactic? it would wikify pretty well, and this would give links through to OXP-related material. Any non-wiki version would carry an addendum which would reference the OXPs mentioned.

It is an ancient mariner,
and he stoppeth one of three...

All right there! You just got your pilot’s ticket. Can I just say that your zip-clip there doesn’t do you justice? You’re itching to get off and out into the big black, I can tell; but we just got a few final once-overs before I can stamp that thing legal. Shall we?

So. You got yourself a brand and shiny-new Cobra Mark III. Cowell and MgRath’s finest, yes siree: more’n sixty years since the first one rolled off the line right here on Lave, and it’s still one of the best. An all-round ship, you get me? It ain’t the fastest, and it ain’t the strongest, nor the most killing neither, and it definitely ain’t the biggest, by a long shot, but a sweet little number in her own right, no error.

Let’s take a tour around... Hoo boy, she is mint, ain’t she! I just love that new-ship smell. Take a sniff, go on: yeah, well, most of them long-chain monomers is carcinogenic, so don’t you snort too deep...

Hah! I’m just funnin’ ya, kid. If pulling a tick from sniffing the command console was all a pilot had to worry about, life would be gravy! No, there’s more’n enough out there to kill you plenty quick, if you don’t watch out, shiny new ship or no.

I see a lot of blanks on this here board... I’m guessing your ship is, whadda they call it, a basic model, yeah? Legal minimum? Uh-huh, I thought so. Man oh man, they shouldn’t oughta let kids out in a machine like this; it’s a sin, is what it is. Some bandit takes a pop at you, and what you got to hold your end up with? A Pulse Laser. A Pulse Laser’s one step up from a penlight, kiddo. Oh, it’s a better defence than just harsh language, and there’s always a chance you might be attacked by a really nervous pirate – but seriously: if you ever want to shift that “Harmless” tag you better beef up your armaments, and soon! Beam laser, minimum. Until then you’d best stick to the cop-end worlds: Democracies and Corporates, Confederacies maybe if you’re feeling lucky, you hear me? You stay sharp, and maybe you’ll stay alive.

See, right here is what I’m talking about: this is where you need to fit an ECM. Someone locks a missile on you, you pop that sucker fast. Oh, I know there’s Hardheads out there, shielded missiles proofed against countermeasures, but a good ECM can pop those too, if you’re lucky. You get one of those running on you, you turn tail and run from it as fast as you can. A warhead’s nasty, but no sense in giving it a kinetic advantage too, right? Keep slapping the ECM as you go, if you’ve got the energy for it: if the first burst don’t kill it, maybe the next one will.

Speaking of running... over here is where you’d control your Witchdrive Fuel Injectors, if’n you had ‘em... dumps fuel straight from the tanks into the drive, and shoots you off like an Oresquan on a hot date. Good for whatever ails ya, from pushing past a mass-lock to getting the hell out of town!

Down here, now, this is your Fuel Scoop indicator... huh, “offline”, I see. Sure, sure, you don’t think you’ll ever need to kiss the stars: why bother, when fuel’s cheaper than Celabiler poetry? Well, maybe it’s true, and maybe it ain’t, but anyways this piece of kit scoops up more than just sunshine. There’s scraps and salvage out there, kid, and good money to be had. Skim on over the top and this puppy drops ‘em straight into the cargo bay. Pays for itself in no time. Sweeps up Escape Pods, too: you get the chance to bring someone safe home, you take it – even if it means dumping some of your own payload to take them on board. Look out for the other guys and they’ll look out for you.

And... sweet Lord Giles on a gyrospider, they didn’t even fit you out with a Docking Computer! “Optional Extra”, my shiny blue ass... Oh, sure, manual docking’s easy enough, but there’s a knack to it. You gotta get that knack first, though. Practice it. Before you go anywhere, practice it. Fly out to the station buoy, turn around and come back in again, until you got it pat. And match the rotation: you put scrapes or dents or a big long greasy smear all over my bay, and I will NOT be pleased...

Oh, there’s a whole bunch of other shit you can stick on here: a Scanner Targeting Enhancement, for one, if you ever get yourself set up right for a firefight. Even before then, maybe: if you can clock pirates before they start their run on you, that’s half the battle. Well, quarter of the battle. Or a fifth. Some proportion, anyhow. The Advanced Space Compass, too, now that’s a handy doodad to have on board. And an Extra Energy Unit to boost your recharge. And Shield Boosters, now they’re a no-brainer. And – okay, most of this junk is too high-tech for Lave: you can get most everything at Zaonce, though, just a wormhole away. Dull kinda burg, Zaonce, but they know their quarks from their quaternions. Shouldn’t set you back more’n ten, twenty thou.

You got how much? One hundred creds. One ... hundred ... creds. Ayoha. All right then. Let’s break it down. Your problem here is financial, not technical. Maybe at bottom it’s psychological, but I’ll give you the benefit.

(Edit: typo...)

[Disembodied]

Part two...

There’s two types of money, kid: fast, and slow. Fast money comes easy, and slow money comes hard. The slow is sure and steady, though, and the fast, well, it might make you wish you had waited. I’ll run you through them both, though, and you can make up your own mind.

First of all, for the fast money, there’s this sweet and cherry Cobra III: you sell it, right now, you’ll net yourself enough to buy a second-hand ship with enough scratch left over for some half-decent kit. ‘Course, some of these second-hand numbers are pretty, well, used, if you know what I mean, and come with problems of their own. I mean, you ever try to take a dump in a head designed for some other guy’s anatomy? And the resale sucks, if’n you ever want to move on up. But it’s an option.

Second, now, there’s the... ah, let me just check that we’re alone here... okay: there’s the Black Monks. Great guys, I’d like to make that clear, absolutely: most fine and upstanding! They’ll be happy to loan you what you need to get you started. They’re a not-for-profit organisation, a charity, really, but what with overheads and all they do have to charge a wee bit of interest on any loans they make: and they are keen – eager, even – to see that they get paid back. You take a loan from them, you make every gram of cargo pay, every time. Work hard though and it can be done: in all my years I’ve never met anyone who defaulted on a loan from the Bank of St Herod. Not one. Ever.

Slow money, now, that’s less chancy. You buy up what’s cheap, you take it to where it’s expensive, and you sell it at a profit. Rinse and repeat. What’s cheap where, and what’s expensive? Supply and demand, kid. Like the philosopher said, “it’s the economy, stupid”. Agricultural worlds produce raw materials like minerals, metals and radioactives, and the bio-products like food, textiles, booze and furs, too. Industrial planets make finished goods, like luxuries, computers and machinery. So you take the produce of one and you sell it on the other, and chances are you’re making money on the deal. Politics don’t matter squat: farmers need harvesters and factories need feedstock!

O’course, money matters: rich Industrials are rich because they’ve got the most efficient processes, so not only do they make the cheapest products, their factories are the hungriest and they’ll pay the best prices for raw materials. Poor Agriculturals, on the other hand, they’re most desperate for fine articles and will scrape together whatever they can to pay for ‘em: meanwhile, they’ll offer you the cheapest deals anywhere for what they make themselves. Which puts a vicious lock on the poverty trap, but hey: nobody said life was fair. Folks like you who’ve climbed up the gravity well, you’re just filling a need. Buy and sell between rich Industrials and poor Agriculturals, that’s my advice! There’s money to be made elsewhere, no error, but those are the sweetest runs you’re likely to hit on. Bulk is the key, kid: the more you carry, the more you make. This Cobra III here can take twenty tons, right now: for just 400 creds more you can get a Cargo Bay Expansion to take you up to thirty-five. That extra fifteen tons of space will pay for itself and more in one good run, if you can fill it up.

It ain’t all bulk, though. Watch the board for cheap deals on precious metals and gemstones: they might not offer the greatest profits, but they don’t take up any cargo space at all. See this safe over here, behind this bulkhead? You take on platinum, or gold, or a sack of IOUN gemstones when you’re docked, they go right in here. You can keep ‘em here as long as you like, until you find somewhere to offload ‘em. Co-op rules stop you dropping too much of ‘em, or too much of anything, come to that, in one station – so much for free trade! – but as a slow-burn money-maker there’s not much to beat it. You can mine for ‘em yourself, if’n you get a Mining Laser and an Ore Processor to go with your Fuel Scoop, and you don’t mind scraping carbon scoring off the scoop every few jumps. Only don’t, for any sake, put the Mining Laser on the nose! It’s a tool, not a weapon. Or you can just buy the shinies cheap off the miners direct, if you run across a Rock Hermit. Powerful fond of liquor, Rock Hermits are, too.

What “other” products? What you winking for, kid? You mean slaves, narcotics and firearms? Why don’t you just damn well say so? They ain’t illegal. They’s what we call controlled merchandise. Bring as much of ‘em in as you want... what will get you into trouble with the Blues is shipping them out of a main system station. But there’s plenty of other places to buy ‘em up, all nice and legal, along with reg’lar trade goods, too. Some of the Commie worlds have Slap-Yous and Cee-Zed-Gee-Effs, whatever the hell they all are, and Astro-Gulags too, which are just plain depressing. Some industrial Dictatorship systems, they got Imperial AstroFactories, although some of ‘em seem to sell stuff they don’t ever make... go figure. And some spots, if they got the population size to make it worthwhile, there’s Convenience Stores way out by the Witchpoint. You want to give these guys a try, you sail on in. Check the system prices first, note down what you got yourself, see what’s on offer, and do the sums.

There’s long-range shipping contracts on offer, too, in some stations: F8-F8 will bring ‘em up, if there’s any there. You buy the deal and then get paid a bonus if you make the delivery on time. They’ll be out your price-range just now, and anyway most of ‘em call for a bigger cargo-hold than a Cobra can carry. Keep an eye out for any you might be able to do, though; if you build a rep as a reliable carrier then the jobs can get real juicy.

That’s slow money, kid: work, save, invest, and work again, that’s what it’s all about! It ain’t pretty but it gets you there in the end.

One final tip, kid: I’ll say this ‘cos I like ya. It won’t save you work but it will save you time, and it might just save your life, too: if you want to get from the Witchpoint to the station fast, without getting your jumpdrive mass-locked by anyone, friendly or otherwise, here’s what you do. Line up on the planet; angle up away from it by near enough ninety degrees; then hit the Torus jumpdrive and scoot on out of the main spacelane for a few hundred klicks or so. Then, when you’ve given yourself enough sky, pull the nose back round and come on down to the station. Chances are you won’t meet a soul, whether you’re cruising into Ensoreus or creeping into Qudira. The spacelanes is where the action is, where there’s help and hostility both; you get nervous, you go off-beam. Most times, you’ll come through safe.

Huh. Anyhow. I’m a busy frog, I can’t stay here all day filling in every Jameson on what they should have learned in the spawning pond. Gimme your ticket, kid, and I’ll stamp it flight-ready, though Giles knows I prob’ly shouldn’t... there ya go. That’s you ready to take on the Witch. Jens help us all... don’t know enough to keep a level bearing through a wormhole... what they send up here for us to deal with... pick up the pieces more like...

[Micaelis]

Congrats, Disembodied! Very enjoyable to read!

Very helpful ( at least for me ) to the newcommers, full of fictional fun!

--
Micaelis

[goran]

Just great.