Oolite Bulletins

Glad you're all tuned in to your favourite hyperradio channel, where your favourite tunes fill your favourite sub-aether waves... or particles.. whatever. This next one is an all time favourite. For all you long-haulers out there crossing the galactic charts, keep it safe, guys! And for all you bounty hunters out there, lurking at your favourite witchpoint buoy. Keep US safe, guys!


"Elite"
(Hyperradiohead)


When I was here before
My rating was Poor
Didn't know what lasers
or missiles are for
But then I went further
In the Ooniverse

I learned how to battle
It was quite a battle

Now I'm Elite
I'm a hunter
Whoever is coming near
I am much stronger


I don't care if they beg
I am in full control
I've got the perfect tactic
I've got the perfect form
Pirates get nervous
When I am around

I know how to battle
It was quite the battle

But I'm Elite
I'm a hunter
Whoever is coming near
I'm so much stronger

Oh Oh
Here I'm flying out again
See them crying out:
Run run run run! Run!


Whoever attacks me
Whatever they try

If they want a battle
I'll give them a battle

'Cause I'm Elite
I'm a killer
Whoever is coming near
I am much stronger
I'm so much stronger

Heya trucker!
I know you're kinda lonely ou'dere in the black, it is really daunting!
I've seen Thargoids up close in cold hyperspace and it only makes your blood run colder...
But! I have found a great comfort!
The greatest! Most cuddly! Sweetest and lovable thing!
To battle that space paranoia from taking hold when you are away for months on end from any real contact with actual members of your own species!

THIS: this cuddly cute trumble.

It will guaranteed eat out of your hand* and fill your hollow heart* with affection.

So: get one now at this limited offer for only 500 credits!

I will only be available at this space station for another 30 minutes, so don't you rob yourself of a chance on sanity and allow me to inflict one on you now, right NOW.
In fact:
I feel guilty at not allowing those commanders who cannot afford a second Ingramm laser to experience the joy of the trumble, let me rephrase my offer:

You will now be able to afford your very own trumble, at a cut-throat price of only 300 creds! Order one now, before I regain my senses (or are ejected from the spacedock)!


* or anywhere/thing edible
** or cargohold