Oolite Bulletins

A new bloke has moved into the flat upstairs and he can't park. Because of his inability to park his van, the five spaces in the parking area behind the 6 flats have become him and one other.

I just had words with him (again) and got told where to get off.

I offered to help him park properly and his reaction was it wasn't his fault if I can't navigate a Ford Fiesta through a 270 degree turn round the back of his van in a gap slightly narrower than the car (which I wouldn't have to do if he wasn't parked four feet from the wall and across two spaces).

So, when the bugger next leaves the flats, I'm going to follow him and shove a hardened missile up his exhaust pipe.

Any idea where I can find a Tech Level 9 Ford garage in Cheshire? And how do I fit a missile rack to a Fiesta, because there's nothing in the Haynes manual about it.

Sadly, the world is now seemingly full of people where the default approach is "it's not my fault it's yours" - I used to live in a block of flats with designated spaces and you have my sympathies.

Repeatedly suffering from two flat tyres may be a less high tech solution...

Just park a Star-Jelly in your parking space when he's out. When he gets home...problem solved

Smivs wrote:

Just park a Star-Jelly in your parking space when he's out. When he gets home...problem solved

hehe!

For what its worth, have you considered complaining to whoever is in charge there, and let THEM take care of the idiot? Might lead to a bit less property damage for both sides, and would probably avert bringing the cops in.

A banana wedged up his exhaust pipe will work quite effectively. Alternatively, if you're feeling really mean, half a pound of sugar poured into his petrol tank will goose his engine completely.

Cheers,

Drew.

drew wrote:

A banana wedged up his exhaust pipe will work quite effectively. Alternatively, if you're feeling really mean, half a pound of sugar poured into his petrol tank will goose his engine completely.

Cheers,

Drew.

Ahh yes, but what goes around comes around, y'know?

Well, I had words with at 5:30 a.m. this morning because he had blocked everyone in, and it had taken someone else 15 minutes of banging in his door and ringing the door buzzer to get him to move his beaten-up old van. By which time everyone in all the flats was awake.

DaddyHoggy wrote:

Repeatedly suffering from two flat tyres may be a less high tech solution...

And the preferred way of doing that is a long nail left leaning against a tyre. That way he can be out in the road when he comes to a halt. Very attractive proposition. "Criminal damage? Nothing to do with me, your honour."

drew wrote:

A banana wedged up his exhaust pipe will work quite effectively. Alternatively, if you're feeling really mean, half a pound of sugar poured into his petrol tank will goose his engine completely.

Both tempting, but both may result in lots of repair work and revving of the engine right outside my windows.

DaddyHoggy wrote:

Repeatedly suffering from two flat tyres may be a less high tech solution...

Four is even better..

(Did that one time to a moron who parked in the middle of the taxi-rank then went into a restaurant.. when he came out, he got about 200 metres up the road before he noticed something was wrong.. after which, things got "interesting" )

Diziet Sma wrote:

DaddyHoggy wrote:

Repeatedly suffering from two flat tyres may be a less high tech solution...

Four is even better..
(Did that one time to a moron who parked in the middle of the taxi-rank then went into a restaurant.. when he came out, he got about 200 metres up the road before he noticed something was wrong.. after which, things got "interesting" )

It could be worse.

Sounds like a lease or rental agreement issue that should be resolved by your landlord. If, in the agreement you signed to live there, specifies that you are to be given access to a parking spot to go with your boarding, then the landlord has two options, make the guy learn to park, or potentially face legal retribution for breach of contract. Do NOT tell this to the landlord, because it will almost certainly cause you trouble. Review your agreement and take note of anything specific about the parking situation. If you find anything, take the agreement to your landlord and have them take note of the specifics. This works better if you can point to the issue or provide photographic evidence of him leaving you no space.

If you don't have a lease or rental agreement... Buy an old junk car, heavier the better and crusher-bound, and park it in your spot in such a way that it leaves him no room to maneuver. Since it sounds like you're having to find alternate parking anyways... Four flat tires, damaged (read, welded solid) rear differential, for sale sign on the window for a nice touch. If you luck out, he might hit your 'fixer upper' car and dent it. When it's all over, you can sell the car to another junkyard and likely make a little side money while giving him a taste of his own medicine.

Or in the middle of the night you could key his van, flatten all four, and blame it on 'kids watching too much TV'. It'll work here in the states, and likely would work abroad depending on location. (It'd fall flat if you didn't live somewhere there is electricity. )

Or SandJ you could just "love" your neighbor until they realize what a great guy you are. People usually don't try to lose good friends by deliberately behaving badly, so why not invite the neighbor over for a beer, watch a sporting event on tv or play video games or something and be a good friend that they wouldn't want to lose?













oh, did I just tell SandJ to "love" his neighbor? ahh...forget it...

I'm reliably informed that if you have access to the petrol tank adding some fine grinding powder can increase the longevity of the engine. Also has the nice side effect of leaving no evidence ...

He reversed his beaten up old van into the wall (my kitchen wall actually), smashed the rear lights and had a hissy fit. Presumably acknowledging he is incapable of driving a vehicle as large as a Ford Transit, he has replaced it with a newer vehicle.

The new one has a dodgy engine and he has trouble getting it started. And, despite it being smaller, he managed to drive it into the wheelie-bins and damage them.

I assume he is one of those people who had a friend sit his driving test for him.

It's starting to sound like permanently disabling his vehicle would be doing him a favour..