"The Adventures of Captain Morgan" Or "Damn That Mossfoot"

[Paradox]

Chapter 44 - It's All In The Family.

Go ye forth, my loyal readers, and partake thy selves thereof! And may thou receiveth pleasure from it in the fullness of time!

[Paradox]

Chapter 45 – The Monster Claims Another Victim.

[Paradox]

Chapter 46 - A Wedding And More.

Sorry for not posting as often anymore. I have started a new job (at least for now), so it's keeping me a bit busy.

[Diziet Sma]

Sorry for not posting as often anymore. I have started a new job (at least for now), so it's keeping me a bit busy.

No worries mate.. had a feeling it was something like that.

[Neelix]

Chapter 46 - A Wedding And More.

You seem to have Terra handing something back to Spitfire twice... (once before packing, and once before take-off)

- Neelix

[Paradox]

Chapter 46 - A Wedding And More.

You seem to have Terra handing something back to Spitfire twice... (once before packing, and once before take-off)

- Neelix

Thank you Neelix! I re-wrote that section about three times, and that seems to have gotten overlooked. I also forgot to replace JOP with Justice of the Peace. Both fixed!

I hereby promote you, to my official editor! }:]

[Paradox]

Sorry for not posting as often anymore. I have started a new job (at least for now), so it's keeping me a bit busy.

No worries mate.. had a feeling it was something like that.

Ya, better than the Goodwill job by a mile or three, but still runs my old butt off. I move cars around a 30 acre auto auction now.

[Paradox]

Chapter 47 – The Blacks Meet An Angel.

This was a long chapter, and definitely different from my usual! I think it turned out rather good!

[SteveKing]

Phew! That was a bit of a chest pounder - in both a heart hammering and fist beating sort of way.

This was a long chapter

Worth every extra line

Just a bit of feedback - keep an eye on the number of commas (here's an example) - "My little Spitfire, tend to get a bit excited, when we are in battle" would read simply "My little Spitfire tend(s) to get a bit excited when we are in battle".

Although having said that, it so works for Morgan after his, um... throat massage - "You're doing fine, and I am so very, very, proud of you. I love you, with all my soul. You just do, what needs to be done, and remember that" works great with a bruised larynx and oesophagus - you feel every wince as he breathes and swallows

I am very much enjoying this little Oodventure fantasy romp Is it looking like we might get a bit of 'Salt 'n Peppa' seasoning for our hero's culinary delight?

[ClymAngus]

You see this is what I'm talking about. Investment. Some may think that this is just a bit of space porn but readers invest in the characters here! I don't tend to want people dead by by lord lummy when Jake was through. I could have happily danced on his grave.

It's because Paradox is unpredictable. He can write sex (that much is obvious) but if you can write sex you always have the option of writing rape. No spoilers but; The reader is hit with the "split fingers in front of the eyes" dilemma. Ok so the characters maybe shagging like demons most of the time, BUT these threats make them.

Drew writes emotion and consequence. Higher mind, is his playground.

You sir are a visceral writer! A totally different beast.

Excellent work.

[Paradox]

Phew! That was a bit of a chest pounder - in both a heart hammering and fist beating sort of way.

This was a long chapter

Worth every extra line

Just a bit of feedback - keep an eye on the number of commas (here's an example) - "My little Spitfire, tend to get a bit excited, when we are in battle" would read simply "My little Spitfire tend(s) to get a bit excited when we are in battle".

Although having said that, it so works for Morgan after his, um... throat massage - "You're doing fine, and I am so very, very, proud of you. I love you, with all my soul. You just do, what needs to be done, and remember that" works great with a bruised larynx and oesophagus - you feel every wince as he breathes and swallows

I do struggle with commas. I have had to rewrite many paragraphs, simply because I struggled with a single line that I couldn't get to sound right. That last sentence is a good example. I debated over the use of a comma after the words "single line". I am not sure why they are such a problem for me. I understand their purpose. And you wold think, with the many thousands of books I read/have read, I would have that down pat. Maybe I just read too fast, and I need to actually start looking at what I am reading. };]

I am very much enjoying this little Oodventure fantasy romp Is it looking like we might get a bit of 'Salt 'n Peppa' seasoning for our hero's culinary delight?

Once again, I have no clue as to why she appeared in the story. I was relieved to get his Pa and Terra off the ship, and here I go and drop another one in it. I liked the idea of a female pirate. But as soon as I started writing it, Spitfire just naturally felt some kind of bond with her. And you saw the results. I have no clue what I am going to do with her... I know the direction that the story is trying to go in, but I really want to avoid something that obvious if I can. I guess we shall all see together! };]

[Paradox]

You see this is what I'm talking about. Investment. Some may think that this is just a bit of space porn but readers invest in the characters here! I don't tend to want people dead by by lord lummy when Jake was through. I could have happily danced on his grave.

I had to play Jake very carefully... Too abusive, or do the wrong thing, and that may have had permanent repercussions to Spitfire and Morgans "playful" relationship. As it is, I am going to have some bridges to mend there. Perhaps, that is Angels role in this... Hmmm.... };]

I would have made him even meaner than he was, but I was beginning to worry about just how long that chapter was getting! };] (6167 words, for the curious!)

It's because Paradox is unpredictable. He can write sex (that much is obvious) but if you can write sex you always have the option of writing rape. No spoilers but; The reader is hit with the "split fingers in front of the eyes" dilemma. Ok so the characters maybe shagging like demons most of the time, BUT these threats make them.

};] Yep, perhaps a little too much sex... But now that the shiny has worn off of it, I am making an honest effort to insure there is a reason for it. Whether Spitfire needs emotional reassurance, or she needs to reinforce her bond with Morgan, etc... I try to make sure there is some logical reason for it to happen, and not just gratuitous sex... Usually... };]

Drew writes emotion and consequence. Higher mind, is his playground.

You sir are a visceral writer! A totally different beast.

Excellent work.

Umm.. Thank you...? };] Although I like to think I put some emotions into my characters as well.

[Paradox]

Chapter 48 - An Angel On My Shoulder.

[Ranthe]

Nice one!

A piece of general feedback though - one thing I've noticed is the tendency to capitalise the 'dialogue adjective' (for want of a better term) as though it was a new sentence, when it actually is a continuation of the same sentence. I suspect it may be the spelling checker flagging it as a spelling mistake in error.

Example:

“What's going on Morgan?” Demanded Angel.

should be

“What's going on Morgan?” demanded Angel.

Also, there should be a comma instead of a full-stop/period when the dialogue isn't ending with a question mark or exclamation mark:

“Umm.. we have a small problem baby.” Said Spitfire's

should read

“Umm... we have a small problem baby,” said Spitfire.

[Malacandra]

Nice one!

A piece of general feedback though - one thing I've noticed is the tendency to capitalise the 'dialogue adjective' (for want of a better term)

*cough*verb*cough*