Oolite Bulletins

DeathKnyte's Random Hits mission brought back memories of an early hit I had accepted. Just before the fatal laser blast, the mark hurled his final curse at me, which I failed to pay it's due respect.
Hmm, what's that flashing red and yellow lollipop? A second later: BOOM!
*** Press Space Commander ***

I'm playing Ironman style at the moment (standard v1.77 with no OXPs, restarting from scratch if I die), so these are just the ones I remember out of a long list of stupid deaths. Combat rating achieved is in [square brackets], where I remember it.

#1: "Asteroid mining is so slow and boring. Wait, I have a great idea! Asteroids don't mass-lock me, so I can use a quick blip of the Torus drive to cover the distances faster". Soon afterwards, explorers announce the discovery of a previously unknown Giant Space Pizza, but it turns out to be just a Cobra Mark III that has somehow been flattened to less than a centimetre thick. [Unknown]

#2: Crashed into the station by hitting the wrong key while docking. (I've told the full cringeworthy story elsethread: https://bb.oolite.space/viewtopic.php?f= ... 20#p197636) [Harmless]

#3: Became the focus of attention in a gigantic furball. Shields and energy gone in 3 seconds (and that was with military shields!). [Competent]

#4: Burned up trying to roast a surprisingly heatproof trumble. [Poor]

#5: Forgot to avoid tangling with pirates before buying an ECM system. [Harmless]

#6: Started a fight with a large gang of pirates at close range and didn't manage to trigger the escape pod in time. [Average]

#7: Ejected in interstellar space when about to be killed by Thargoids. Several thousand years later, a micrometeorite-scarred escape capsule coasts into the docking bay of an abandoned Coriolis station. The insurance policy associated with the pod does not cover reconstituting the freeze-dried remains of the pilot. (Ironically, however, the former insurance company has undergone a series of mergers, takeovers, and restructurings over the millennia, and is now a manufacturer of vacuum-packed beef jerky). [Unknown]

My current commander is somehow still alive, despite the best efforts of the Her Imperial Majesty's Space Navy. Just deliver this datacrystal, they said. The Thargoids won't suspect an ordinary trader, they said. Had to pull the loud handle at Lelebi and hope the bugs were too busy trying to evade a hardhead to notice my escape pod. And I think they're holding a grudge: the mission's complete, but I just got a welcoming party of three warships at Lezaer. Yikes.

rayner wrote:

#6: Started a fight with a large gang of pirates at close range and didn't manage to trigger the escape pod in time. [Average]

<chortles> A matter of very fine judgement, is that.

Excellent, Rayner - made me chuckle. Thanks for sharing.

Hey, this is a great thread.

Couldnt sleep the other night so read these stories instead, thought I'd add my tale of woe.

I'd taken on my first Galactic Navy mission from the OXP of the same name, and after several attempts, eventually destroyed the pirate base and eliminated all the pirates, with a couple of comrades remaining alive after the battle. I'd racked up an impressive number of kills not to mention bounties. However I'd used up all my fuel so was on the long slog back to the planet for a refuel.

a couple of Km front of me, hanging there in space was a jellyfish. Strange place I thought for a jelly fish to be. Then I remembered some OXP I'd installed called 'space jelly' or somesuch.. I wonder what happens if I shoot it, I thought....

I doubt the Galactic Navy mourned my loss!

StarTrader wrote:

I wonder what happens if I shoot it, I thought....

And we probably have a new frontrunner in the category "famous last thoughts".

Excellent! Some great contributions!

Commander McLane wrote:

StarTrader wrote:

I wonder what happens if I shoot it, I thought....

And we probably have a new frontrunner in the category "famous last thoughts".

Hehe, cheers Commander!! Does anyone else often find themselves having the thought "I thought I ECM'd that?? " Just before seeing a missile barrelling towards you shortly before pressing space?

Or is that just me?

StarTrader wrote:

... find themselves having the thought "I thought I ECM'd that?? ... " Just before seeing a missile barrelling towards you shortly before pressing space?

Not quite... but similar...

Cody wrote:

... and then set about the last one, who lobbed a hardhead at me just before he blew. Somehow, I managed to pick it off with the near-overheated fore laser… so pleased was I with myself at this feat of marksmanship, that I failed to notice the second missile, tracking-in right behind the first, until it was far too late…

StarTrader wrote:

I wonder what happens if I shoot it, I thought....

I should know better than to read the Darwin Awards when I have the 'flu..

laughing = coughing = pain

Does anyone else often find themselves having the thought "I thought I ECM'd that?? " Just before seeing a missile barrelling towards you shortly before pressing space?

That sounds all too familiar! I've developed a habit of pressing "T" after every pirate I destroy, after a few too many "Oh, that was a hardhead?" or "Wait, one of those little white lollipops was actually light blue?" moments.

(Still alive so far this game, but I've had to claim on my escape pod's insurance a couple of times, and these military-grade shields have saved my backside more times than I can count...)

Whilst jumping between Anerat and Leonus in G6 I had my first non-self-triggered mis jump.
Exciting, I thought - a pair of Thargoids and associated drones, a chance to get a couple of kills and some alien items. It was a short jump so I had plenty of fuel left.
Coming out of the mis-jump I found myself in the middle of a huge fight between the navy and thargoids - something I'd not seen before. With a bit of cloak and injector I got out of the way, turned and helped out as best I could by removing a couple of the smaller thargoids whilst the navy cleared up the rest.

After the battle the navy were hanging about killing the remaining robot fighters so I scooped a few until I was full and began shooting the rest with the navy boys.
My thoughts turned to us all ending up in the bar of the behemoth singing songs by Berlin and the Everly brothers like some sort of intergalactic top gun, as I fired on one final robot fighter. I then learned (that form some angles, and specifically this one) a navy asp looks an awful lot like a robot fighter as the entire navy decided that I was a Thargoid sympathizer. Frantically I tried to press the imaginary "sorry" button but it was too late - I'd gone from being goose to an "undisclosed nationality-mig" ... press space, commander.

No sense of humour, those Navy boys..

I've only just reinstalled Oolite after a long time not playing.

On my very first trade run, I was closing in on the destination station docking slit. I'd made several abortive attempts to line up with the slit (I'd forgotten about the "go to the nave beacon first" trick), but now I'd got it right. Well, almost right. I was just a little bit too far over to the right. So, naturally, instinctively, I tapped "A" a few times to slide over to port. Damn you, Freelancer/Star Conflict control memory!


And for an NPC Darwin:
I was attacked by two pirates: a Sidewinder and an Asp. I went after the SW first, on the grounds that it should die quicker, but I was really out of practice and missed most of my shots. Eventually though I damaged him enough that he decided to flee, so I ignored him and concentrated on the Asp. Again, due to inexperience/lack of practice, I missed most of my shots. I managed to knock him down to "sparking" several times, but couldn't quite finish him off before my lasers overheated. But then, after several minutes of trying to out-manuvour each other, he came in charging straight towards me from some way off. By now, my lasers had sufficiently cooled, so I waited until he was close enough to guarentee all my shots hit, waited a little longer just to be sure, and then emptied an entire heat-sink worth of beam laser into him at point-blank range. Which unfortunately wasn't quite enough to kill him, but he immediately turned-tail and fled at top speed off the radar.

Cmdr Darkstar wrote:

I've only just reinstalled Oolite after a long time not playing.

On my very first trade run, I was closing in on the destination station docking slit. I'd made several abortive attempts to line up with the slit (I'd forgotten about the "go to the nave beacon first" trick), but now I'd got it right. Well, almost right. I was just a little bit too far over to the right. So, naturally, instinctively, I tapped "A" a few times to slide over to port. Damn you, Freelancer/Star Conflict control memory!

Ah well that's what the take weapons offline button ( _ ) is for.