Slightly ahead of schedule - but will be busy tomorrow!
Chapter Five up on the Wiki
Cheers,
Drew.
Mutabilis Chapter Five
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Star Gazer
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Superb as ever! I am so enjoying this! 
Nice how you have referred to the new ship oxps created by various authors within the history line of the Oolite/Elite galaxy.
A quick read through:
Page 8 - line 35 - I am surprised that when you say, "...house a ship", that the comment doesn't include any of her pleasure/hatred at seeing that the ship is the Imperial Courier she has been looking for.
Page 9 - line 38 - "...of choice," Zerz admitted, with a smile." I don't think admitted is the appropriate action here, as he isn't admitting anything, he is stating a fact, as he sees it. I suspect said would do perfectly adequately in this context; and without the comma following it.
Page 11 - line 7 - "For a moment so looked at him, but..." should be: "For a moment she looked at him, but..."
Nice how you have referred to the new ship oxps created by various authors within the history line of the Oolite/Elite galaxy.A quick read through:
Page 8 - line 35 - I am surprised that when you say, "...house a ship", that the comment doesn't include any of her pleasure/hatred at seeing that the ship is the Imperial Courier she has been looking for.
Page 9 - line 38 - "...of choice," Zerz admitted, with a smile." I don't think admitted is the appropriate action here, as he isn't admitting anything, he is stating a fact, as he sees it. I suspect said would do perfectly adequately in this context; and without the comma following it.
Page 11 - line 7 - "For a moment so looked at him, but..." should be: "For a moment she looked at him, but..."
Very funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes...
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DaddyHoggy
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Hi Drew,
as ever lets get the niff naff and trivia out of the way:
Opening paragraph - double planet, orbit, both... A strange mixture of plural and singular.
Perhaps: "A pair of planets tumbled erratically around an ever changing centre of gravity, pushed around their eccentric orbit by the asteroids they seemed to be herding into place. The surface of both devastated by some that had refused to be pushed back into conformity." - or something...
Page Three: Gravimetric and then Radiation signature - they're different - you should pick one.
Page Four:
Gang-plank?! I know what you mean - but come on - it's 3140!
Passive scanners. Detectors sounds better I think - more, erm, passive. Just a though.
tumbling like an asteroid - tumbling, asteroid-like.
Everything else I spotted already covered by Stargazer.
I liked this chapter a lot - it's slightly contrived of course but a pleasing reveal!
Keep up the splendid work!
as ever lets get the niff naff and trivia out of the way:
Opening paragraph - double planet, orbit, both... A strange mixture of plural and singular.
Perhaps: "A pair of planets tumbled erratically around an ever changing centre of gravity, pushed around their eccentric orbit by the asteroids they seemed to be herding into place. The surface of both devastated by some that had refused to be pushed back into conformity." - or something...
Page Three: Gravimetric and then Radiation signature - they're different - you should pick one.
Page Four:
Gang-plank?! I know what you mean - but come on - it's 3140!
Passive scanners. Detectors sounds better I think - more, erm, passive. Just a though.
tumbling like an asteroid - tumbling, asteroid-like.
Everything else I spotted already covered by Stargazer.
I liked this chapter a lot - it's slightly contrived of course but a pleasing reveal!
Keep up the splendid work!
Oolite Life is now revealed hereSelezen wrote:Apparently I was having a DaddyHoggy moment.
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drew
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Thanks chaps, all fixes most suggestions incorporated.
I prefer the way the asteroid sentence scans as it is, and as for 'gang plank'... well. I know it's a bit low tech, but I've always seen the Elite ships as practical/functional/utilitarian rather than ultra state of the art.
Gang planks work because they are simple - if it aint broke etc. (Think Millenium Falcon, Star Trek shuttles etc)...
(I will update the description a bit to indicate they are hydraulic or something - it's not supposed to be a plank of wood slung out of the airlock... 
Yes - a bit contrived, but it's pretty tough to reconcile the 8 bit version of elite with what we see in Oolite given that FE2/FFE are still in the future.... I'm trying though! When I wrote SQ it was prior to v1.65 of Oolite, so a lot of stuff now available just wasn't there. I've tried to keep Mutabilis up to date, but there is SO much stuff available OXP-wise, it's a tough call to reference it all and keep a story going!
According to Selezen this 'golden Oolite age' of ship design comes to an abrupt halt in a few decades, before the collapse of Galcop and the era of FE2/FFE.... a tale which I will leave up to him to write!
Cheers,
Drew.
I prefer the way the asteroid sentence scans as it is, and as for 'gang plank'... well. I know it's a bit low tech, but I've always seen the Elite ships as practical/functional/utilitarian rather than ultra state of the art.
Gang planks work because they are simple - if it aint broke etc. (Think Millenium Falcon, Star Trek shuttles etc)...
(I will update the description a bit to indicate they are hydraulic or something - it's not supposed to be a plank of wood slung out of the airlock... Yes - a bit contrived, but it's pretty tough to reconcile the 8 bit version of elite with what we see in Oolite given that FE2/FFE are still in the future.... I'm trying though!
When I wrote SQ it was prior to v1.65 of Oolite, so a lot of stuff now available just wasn't there. I've tried to keep Mutabilis up to date, but there is SO much stuff available OXP-wise, it's a tough call to reference it all and keep a story going! According to Selezen this 'golden Oolite age' of ship design comes to an abrupt halt in a few decades, before the collapse of Galcop and the era of FE2/FFE.... a tale which I will leave up to him to write!
Cheers,
Drew.
Just that the Miss, usually have my weekend planned for me, I try to evade, but she is a better pilot than me, when it comes to quarrels..., and more barbaric, when I want peace she wants war!!!!... bloodthirsty even...drew wrote:Quick announce... I'll be uploading future chapters on Saturday mornings from now on - so you'll get the weekend to read if you so desire.
Cheers,
Drew.
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Star Gazer
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i want to respond to that... but i can´t without making this going so far off topic that there would be no way back...Star Gazer wrote:...more responsive joystick needed...???Frame wrote:...I try to evade, but she is a better pilot than me, when it comes to quarrels..., and more barbaric, when I want peace she wants war!!!!... bloodthirsty even...
back on topic...
Looking forward to it Drew... just have to read it when she is "not" around...
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