Mutabilis Chapter Two

drew · Post by **drew** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 11:05 am

Here's the next installment. Enjoy!

Mutabilis - Chapter Two

Cheers,

Drew.

Captain Hesperus · Post by **Captain Hesperus** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:39 pm

Really great work! Love the H2G2 reference and the nod to the Speccy.

Captain Hesperus

Selezen · Post by **Selezen** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 3:09 pm

Nice one, Drew. I note with a touch of pride that I'm in there. "Jack" though? Where did "Jack" come from?

I dunno if anyone else feels this, but I feel that the 'slang' and jargon is maybe getting used a bit much. Remember that there may be people out there who haven't read the thread about that. It doesn't make for a very engaging story if people have to keep flicking to a glossary to see what some words mean... Maybe one or two a chapter would be enough?

Other than that though, nice work. Good to see the original cast again!

drew · Post by **drew** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 4:24 pm

Jack's your new nickname

- It was sort of a play on the matrix 'jacking into things'. In the story Dave is a sort of hacker, so I figured he'd have a name like that out of university/college.

I think the slang is pretty obviously a substitute for modern swearing. You get a lot of similar stuff in firefly, battlestar galactica etc and you don't need to look it up to figure out what's going on.

Some of the characters aren't particularly nice and tend to profane quite a bit!

That said, feedback noted!

Cheers,

Drew.

Rxke · Post by **Rxke** » Fri Apr 27, 2007 5:50 am

Dave had to admit was pretty grotesque

it was

she shouted, glaring at him at him down the corridor and walking swiftly back towards him,

at him at him

Jim had later ended up stealing aboard the SuperCobra.

huh?

drew · Post by **drew** » Fri Apr 27, 2007 6:37 am

Thanks, changes made!

Cheers,

Drew.

JensAyton · Post by **JensAyton** » Fri Apr 27, 2007 9:21 am

Rxke wrote:
Jim had later ended up stealing aboard the SuperCobra.
huh?

Means “sneaking” in this context, and is valid, although it’s perhaps not the most elegant turn of phrase.

Dr. Nil · Post by **Dr. Nil** » Fri Apr 27, 2007 10:28 am

I like the slang

Something seems to be missing in this sentence:

"Dave had to admit was pretty grotesque" (p.2, 2nd paragraph)

Arexack_Heretic · Post by **Arexack_Heretic** » Fri Apr 27, 2007 1:13 pm

yes the subject? [IT]

Jacking is a matrix-cyberpunk term for directly plugging into computersystyem as a hacker.
usually at a machinecode level, but passed through an intuitive interface.
(eg to upload a icebraeker into a mainframe, the hacker would unclip and a gadget from his belt point and press play on it. for example, depending n the illusion)

Captain Hesperus · Post by **Captain Hesperus** » Fri Apr 27, 2007 5:19 pm

Arexack_Heretic wrote:
Jacking is a matrix-cyberpunk term for directly plugging into computersystyem as a hacker.
usually at a machinecode level, but passed through an intuitive interface.
(eg to upload a icebraeker into a mainframe, the hacker would unclip and a gadget from his belt point and press play on it. for example, depending n the illusion)

IIRC, wasn't 'jacking' first coined in the SF role-play game 'Shadowrun' (or was it 'Cyberpunk'?) and was partly a bastardisation of hijacking and partly because the jacker needed a neural connector port, a 'jack'?

Anywho, I think the use of slang in stories is fun, since it gives a sense that the world the reader is experiencing is more real. If every character spoke textbook English (or whichever language) it would seem very monotonous and the characters would lose depth. Many authors use obscure slang (consider the 40's crime novelists in the States, writing about 'slipping a mickey' to the lead character) to add character to the people they create in their stories and I think Drew added just enough to give depth. The swear word replacements are obvious and are close enough to real swear words to give the right impression, and terms like 'kelvin' are quite intellectual slang (I'm assuming it means someting like 'cold' or 'chilling' in this respect as it relates to Absolute Zero -273.15 C) which I would see as being in keeping with a tech-nerd like Drew's Dave Selezen (no offence to the genuine article). As long as the slang can be figured back or 'explained' in the text, 'Hesperus sighed as he stared at his 'Potbelly' on the landing pad. The aged Python, with the unsightly cargo bay extention that gained it its nickname, was well past its prime...', I think it's fine.

Captain Hesperus

Arexack_Heretic · Post by **Arexack_Heretic** » Fri Apr 27, 2007 6:45 pm

Captain Hesperus wrote:
IIRC, wasn't 'jacking' first coined in the SF role-play game 'Shadowrun' (or was it 'Cyberpunk'?) and was partly a bastardisation of hijacking and partly because the jacker needed a neural connector port, a 'jack'?

Actually I was talking mostly about that rich RPG.

Didn't think anyone would still have a memory of it.

Shadowrun was based on cyberpunk SciFi (mixed with a fantasy menagerie), mostly W.Gibson, but many others as well.
Cyberpunk 2010 is the current incarnation (=next best thing to*) of SR.
It was my favorite RPG when in highschool, unfortunately I never got to play that much.

I hate the whole idea of the new shootemup-shadowrun; a background heist. Really a hyjack of the roleplay game. (they robbed the datqacore!)

(* As an old f*ck, I believe all decrepid old stuff was much better than the current 'improved' stuff)

---
Anyhoe: just recently read a book, that was sort of dejavu.
'Keeping It Real' (Quantum grvity book 1) by Justina Robson
ISBN 139780575079076
A nice break from the python-codebook I'm wrestling through, it was enjoyable but unfortunately finished in 2 nights. Good thing it is the first in a series.

---
back on TOPIC:

First alinea: "this has been thrown into rampant speculation" ??
this cannot be what you intended.

"the presidents use of a nanite system has been a well guarded secret as the young statesman's vigorous health was a major point in his political campaigning."
or like: "although experts on the subject from NanomedInc state that the nanite system enjoyed by the late mr Mahl is fool-proof and cannot have been the cause of his demise"

stating quotes is very journalistic

even though you know them to be rampant speculation or corporations being all corporationy and covering their collective asses with blatant lies.
Same goes for the part of the story regarding the forensics: Forensic teams have closed off the mansion. Our inside man has informed us there were no signs of foced entry.

Captain Hesperus · Post by **Captain Hesperus** » Fri Apr 27, 2007 6:52 pm

Arexack_Heretic wrote:
Actually I was talking mostly about that rich RPG.
Didn't think anyone would still have a memory of it.

Used to run a games store 4-5 y.a., there's not many RPG games I'm not au fait with.

Captain Hesperus

Arexack_Heretic · Post by **Arexack_Heretic** » Fri Apr 27, 2007 7:11 pm

I used to hang out in a gamesstore 4-5 hours a week!

Captain Hesperus · Post by **Captain Hesperus** » Fri Apr 27, 2007 7:19 pm

Arexack_Heretic wrote:
I used to hang out in a gamesstore 4-5 hours a week!

OT.
Only 4-5 hours a week? I had 'regulars' (read: empty-walleted loiterers who spent their time drooling over my model-painting or stock and trying (failing) to get a little bit of extra credit on their store slates) who would spend from opening to closing buzzing in and out.
And.
Never.
Spending.
A.
Penny.
Unless it was payday (or dole day).

Captain Hesperus

Arexack_Heretic · Post by **Arexack_Heretic** » Fri Apr 27, 2007 7:35 pm

heh.
okay busted.

Though I never loiter that long, I tended to chat with the resident loiterers.
We had a sort of club upstairs (that incidently got you a 5%discount on the Magic(r) trading cards) fun to hang out and watch other people play and sometimes join in.
This was at a time that the Games Workshop stuff could only be gotten trough intermediates, so this store was kinda like a cross between one and a (dutch) coffeeshop. Minus the corporate attitude you get in their stores when you're not a regular. (and even then sometimes!)
I also used to go there to give painting tips to the youngsters.

Kinda like my pestering on these boards.
I never play much, but think I know lots.