We docked at Lave station, as far from the main part of the floor as possible. I wasn't eager to meet up with the Major on this trip. I just wanted to get down to the planet and go home to see Pa.
"I wish there was some way for you to go too Aria. I sure would like it, if you could meet Pa. And he'd be down right tickled pink to meet you too!" I was saying.
"OH!" Bee, was waving all four appendages in the air, trying to get out of her seat. Then she remembered the belt, unhooked it, and ran off the bridge.
"What the heck was that all about?" I mumbled, mostly to myself. Aria and I finished shutting down non-essential systems. I was about to head to my room to pack, when Bee ran into me, full tilt, at the door. "OOOF!" She grabbed onto me to keep from falling.
"Oh my gosh! I forgot all about these! Here, it's a present for you and Aria!" She said breathlessly. She was holding up two chains with some kind of medallion attached.
"Oh, umm, thanks, but how's Aria gonna wear that?"
Bee looked at me like I was bein' dense again, which I probably was, but still.
"She doesn't wear it silly! We do! Just a sec." She took the chains over to Aria's panel, and pulled out a little drawer like thing. She placed the chains in it and then closed it, then she started pushing buttons, and typing on keypads, and stuff. After a bit, the drawer opened again, and Bee took out the chains. "Okay, they have been encoded. Here take this." She said, as she handed one of them to me. I took the chain and held it up to inspect the medallion closer. It was a computer chip with a small crystal in the center, and it looked just like a small version of Aria! "Now put it on." She instructed me. I slipped the chain over my head, and centered the chip on my chest.
"Now what?" I asked.
"Are they working Aria?" Bee asked.
"Affirmative, I have a signal from both chips."
Bee grabbed my hand and put something in it. "Put this in your ear, and come with me." She grabbed my other hand, and began pulling me down the hall to the back of the ship. "Lower the loading ramp please Aria."
I looked at what she had put in my hand. It resembled a small acorn with a long stem, made of a flesh colored silicone material.
"Bee! What is all this about?!" I nearly whined, as we crossed the loading bay, and descended the ramp.
"Aria, please close the loading ramp." A few seconds later, The ramp clanged shut. "Are you there Aria?" Asked Bee. She looked at me and grinned. I was standing there, looking at her, as if she had gone mad. Bee looked at my hand, the one that was still holding the acorn thingy. She snatched the acorn out of my hand, then reached up and grabbed my ear.
"Ouch." I said, as she pulled my ear down to her level. Then she stuck the acorn into it.
"Say something Aria." Said Bee.
"Something." Said Aria. In MY EAR!
"Hey, I can hear her!" I exclaimed.
"Please play some music for us Aria, anything, it doesn't matter." Said Bee. Suddenly, I could hear music being played in my ear. It was a group that I knew to be one of Bee's favorites. Bee pushed on a part of the chip I was wearing, and the sound was suddenly coming from the chip, instead of my ear.
"Hey!" I said. "That's pretty cool!"
"Are the cameras working Aria?" Asked Bee.
"Cameras?" I picked up the chip and inspected it.
"Affirmative Bee, I am receiving a high quality video stream."
"That's great Aria! You can turn off the music now." The music stopped. "Each chip has two high quality micro cameras, for stereoscopic, multi-wavelength video, as well as full spectrum stereo audio pickups. Aria can literally see and hear everything that we can. She can talk to us through the chip, or privately through the earphone. AND, these chips are able to use any open communication frequencies, so they will even work while we are down on the planet! Aria CAN go with us! Bee was almost jumping up and down with excitement.
It took a second, but everything she said was finally sinking in. "Spitfire! Aria can go with us! This is fantastic!" I grabbed her, picked her up, and spun in circles. She was hugging my neck and laughing. "This is amazing Bee, thank you!"
"Yes Bee, thank you for this gift." Came Arias voice from the chip. I laughed and set Bee down on the ground.
"You really like them?" Asked Bee.
I laughed again. "Yes Spitfire, I really, REALLY, LOVE them."
Bee practically glowed.
I swatted her on the bottom and said. "Now, let's get back to the ship and get packed. It's time to go see Pa!
As you all know, this is my first time with something like this. I just went back, and re-read my story from start to the current chapter, and I think my writing has improved a bit, at least I think I see a difference between my first chapters and the later ones. However, I have also developed several questions that I would like to ask if I may.
Question 1. Do you prefer shorter chapters that you can read through quickly, or longer chapters, to feel more of an immersion. Or doesn't really make any difference?
Question 2. I do tend to concentrate much more on the relationships between people/entities in my story, rather than the Elite/Oolite/Sci-fi action, dogfights, etc. Any opinions on this? Do you prefer more action-y stuff or is this what you like? (Obviously, if you made it through this far to see this questionnaire, you must like it, but I would still like to hear opinions/preferences or whatever! };])
Question 3. Do I have any female readers here? Or have any of the male readers had their wives, girlfriends. s.o's, read all, or portions of this story. If so, I would desperately like to hear your/their opinions about what I write. I am trying hard keep that delicate balance of "titillating", and yet show strong female characters.
I think that's it for now. The problem with writing stories like this, as opposed to making oxp's, it that, you have immediate feedback on your oxp. Even if no one comments on it on the forum, you can at least see how many times it is being downloaded. With this however, there is no real way to tell except for the feedback. I can see how many times the thread was accessed, but that doesn't tell me what percentage of those, were people clicking it by mistake, or seeing a long ol' chapter and saying "screw this!" etc. It would be nice if we had a "thumbs up" option. };] So anyways, thanks for sticking with me this far! Next chapter is on it's way!
Hey there! Here is my input in return to your good work
Paradox wrote:
Question 1. Do you prefer shorter chapters that you can read through quickly, or longer chapters, to feel more of an immersion. Or doesn't really make any difference?
Um, I will really leave it up to you, but I am finding myself enjoying my morning cap of coffee with the nice fresh chapter. What I would suggest is to keep the length of them to include the whole episode or logical story; unless you feel there is a need to interrupt the tale.
Paradox wrote:
Question 2. I do tend to concentrate much more on the relationships between people/entities in my story, rather than the Elite/Oolite/Sci-fi action, dogfights, etc. Any opinions on this? Do you prefer more action-y stuff or is this what you like? (Obviously, if you made it through this far to see this questionnaire, you must like it, but I would still like to hear opinions/preferences or whatever! };])
So far you have done a pretty good job of balancing the character - game thing. I do not know how you do it, but some in came events will be nice to use as a base to some new story, change of direction or well… it is totally up to you. So far I do not feel that the story is detached from the game or vice versa.
Paradox wrote:
Question 3. Do I have any female readers here? Or have any of the male readers had their wives, girlfriends. s.o's, read all, or portions of this story. If so, I would desperately like to hear your/their opinions about what I write. I am trying hard keep that delicate balance of "titillating", and yet show strong female characters.
Oh, I am the male here, Ha Ha. The daughter of mine is not old enough to read your story yet, but do play the game from time to time and my wife is not fun of the fiction like this, but thankfully bares with my game playing, testing and some OXP tweaking.
Once again, I am taking this opportunity to thank you for all the good fun from your stories and yes PLS MOAR!
Question 1. Do you prefer shorter chapters that you can read through quickly, or longer chapters, to feel more of an immersion. Or doesn't really make any difference?
My personal preference is for longer chapters. which lets me really get into the story.
Paradox wrote:
Question 2. I do tend to concentrate much more on the relationships between people/entities in my story, rather than the Elite/Oolite/Sci-fi action, dogfights, etc. Any opinions on this? Do you prefer more action-y stuff or is this what you like? (Obviously, if you made it through this far to see this questionnaire, you must like it, but I would still like to hear opinions/preferences or whatever! };])
This works well for me. I do like a good bit of action, but there does need to be a story to bind it together. I want to hear more about your characters. I don't think you need to make the Oolite setting the focus of the story, you just have to make good use of it as a setting/backdrop.
However, I have also developed several questions that I would like to ask if I may.
Question 1. Do you prefer shorter chapters that you can read through quickly, or longer chapters, to feel more of an immersion. Or doesn't really make any difference?
Question 2. I do tend to concentrate much more on the relationships between people/entities in my story, rather than the Elite/Oolite/Sci-fi action, dogfights, etc. Any opinions on this? Do you prefer more action-y stuff or is this what you like? (Obviously, if you made it through this far to see this questionnaire, you must like it, but I would still like to hear opinions/preferences or whatever! };])
Question 3. Do I have any female readers here? Or have any of the male readers had their wives, girlfriends. s.o's, read all, or portions of this story. If so, I would desperately like to hear your/their opinions about what I write. I am trying hard keep that delicate balance of "titillating", and yet show strong female characters.
I think that's it for now. The problem with writing stories like this, as opposed to making oxp's, it that, you have immediate feedback on your oxp. Even if no one comments on it on the forum, you can at least see how many times it is being downloaded. With this however, there is no real way to tell except for the feedback. I can see how many times the thread was accessed, but that doesn't tell me what percentage of those, were people clicking it by mistake, or seeing a long ol' chapter and saying "screw this!" etc. It would be nice if we had a "thumbs up" option. };] So anyways, thanks for sticking with me this far! Next chapter is on it's way!
A few of my thoughts
1. I'm a relatively old fashioned 'book reader' kind of guy, so I'm happy to read long or short. I think there's no problem with short and sharp if the narrative needs to make a quick point or plot/character development, like Spitfire's willingness and energy in ship maintenance. Long leads are good for a mini-climax (I've momentarily forgotten the proper literary term) such as Aria's reveal.
2. As has been said before, character interaction are the couplings that hold the rollercoaster cars together, the rest is the ride itself. You want to hold the cars together so you can find out how different people enjoy the ride - whether one screams, another goes 'Oh brother' and the third is wondering what the next bit's going to be like. I tend to favour the pov that character interaction is how the story writes itself.
3. If I could get my daughter interested in Scifi, I'm sure she could relate reasonably well to Bee, she's hit that 'Oh parents don't know anything so I'm being my own person stage - older boyfriends, tight fitting outfits... and attitude! It would still take her a while to figure out that Bee is brought to life by someone who's already lived it (or experienced it close at hand) maybe quite a few years ago (or if you're like me, seeing it again)
All stories are different, and I'm enjoying all of these currently here (and many that have already been told). As the actress said to the bishop... "Don't... Stop!"
Um, I will really leave it up to you, but I am finding myself enjoying my morning cap of coffee with the nice fresh chapter. What I would suggest is to keep the length of them to include the whole episode or logical story; unless you feel there is a need to interrupt the tale.
I do try to find a good place to end a chapter, but sometimes, the story just doesn't want to give me one till it's good and ready, as demonstrated by this next chapter! };]
vsfc wrote:
So far you have done a pretty good job of balancing the character - game thing. I do not know how you do it, but some in came events will be nice to use as a base to some new story, change of direction or well… it is totally up to you. So far I do not feel that the story is detached from the game or vice versa.
Thank you vsfc! Currently, as you will see, there is going to be a period of very little Oolite influence as they are planet side. Hence my concern. But once this episode is finished, they will be off into space once again!
vsfc wrote:
Oh, I am the male here, Ha Ha. The daughter of mine is not old enough to read your story yet, but do play the game from time to time and my wife is not fun of the fiction like this, but thankfully bares with my game playing, testing and some OXP tweaking.
Once again, I am taking this opportunity to thank you for all the good fun from your stories and yes PLS MOAR!
Cheers,
vsfc
No, I fully agree that my story would not be suitable for anyone under the age of 16 or so. But, I would not enjoy the story telling nearly so much if I had to censor it more than I do already. };] I greatly appreciate your taking the time to give me this feedback vsfc, and am looking forward to writing "moar" for you!
My personal preference is for longer chapters. which lets me really get into the story.
I agree Neelix. I won't even buy a book in a series, unless I know the series is finished and I will be able to read them all! };]
Neelix wrote:
This works well for me. I do like a good bit of action, but there does need to be a story to bind it together. I want to hear more about your characters. I don't think you need to make the Oolite setting the focus of the story, you just have to make good use of it as a setting/backdrop.
- Neelix
I know that the action sequences are not my strong suit. And this portion of the story is going to be thin on them. I just want to make sure that I don't drift away from them to the point of excluding my readers. };] Perhaps if I tried finding the emotion in a dog fight like I do with the characters, it will help. That's something for me to think about anyways! }:]
I tend to favour the pov that character interaction is how the story writes itself.
This is especially true for me. I have to work very hard to try to make the space battle scenes at all interesting. Hence, they have been few, and short. };] However, the interactions between people tend to flow faster than I can type them. I do have to stop and re-phrase over and over till I feel it's right, but that basic ideas just happen naturally. How bizarre for an antisocial introvert like myself! };]
SteveKing wrote:
3. If I could get my daughter interested in Scifi, I'm sure she could relate reasonably well to Bee, she's hit that 'Oh parents don't know anything so I'm being my own person stage - older boyfriends, tight fitting outfits... and attitude! It would still take her a while to figure out that Bee is brought to life by someone who's already lived it (or experienced it close at hand) maybe quite a few years ago (or if you're like me, seeing it again)
I raised one from ~8-14, but in all honesty, she was never too much trouble. I don't really know where exactly I get my "insight" into Bee's behavior, come to think of it... It just comes to me as I write. I haven't watched actual TV in over 7 years now. That leaves books. And while I have read thousands upon thousands of books, I don't really recall many of them dealing with the whole teen angst thing. Wherever it comes from, I hope it continues, because, as you'll see in the next chapter, I have just set myself up for some difficult writing! Perhaps your daughter can give me some pointers!
SteveKing wrote:
All stories are different, and I'm enjoying all of these currently here (and many that have already been told). As the actress said to the bishop... "Don't... Stop!"
No plans to stop! I don't know that I could now if I wanted to. After working on Mossfoots project, it was almost like a damn burst when I went back to writing again!
Thank you once again for taking time to talk to me about this project. Every comment and bit of advice is tremendously helpful! Next loong chapter, coming right up! };]
"Hey PA! I'm HOOOME!" I yelled, as I opened the door to the house. There was no answer. "PA?" I tried again. Just an echo. "He's probably out in the fields." I told Bee, as we entered and set down our duffel bags.
It had been a chore to get Bee dressed. After a few rounds, we settled on her black leather work kilt and one of my old, too small, and too tight, black t-shirts. The skirt still failed to fully cover the cheeks of her butt, but at least it was only the bottom half showing. And the t-shirt wasn't see-through. At least it hadn't been, until she got a hold of the scissors. It was now full of "air circulation" holes, and so short, that if she so much as hiccuped... Ya. Anyways, we were here. I showed her to my old room, as I figured I would sleep on the couch. It was a big old comfy couch, so I wasn't really puttin' myself out none. And I figured a teenage girl, might want a little privacy.
We was in the kitchen talkin', while I made us a couple sandwiches. Okay, I was making one sandwich for me, and two sandwiches and a large glass of milk for Bee. Where does that girl put it all? She sure as hell ain't hiding it under a bunch of baggy clothes! Anyways, there we were, putting on the feedbag so to speak, when we heard voices. It sounded like Pa, talking to someone about crop yield forecasting, and planter drones. Pa opened the back door, and stopped dead when he saw me. "Morgan? MORGAN! Son, I am sure happy to see you!" We met in the middle of the kitchen with a great big bear hug. My back popped, like someone stepping on bubble wrap! He squeezed me and picked me clear off the ground! At 68, my Pa was still a powerful man to reckon with! "How ya been boy? What are you doing here? When did you get in son?" He gripped my shoulders, and studied my face, as he fired off his questions.
"Been good Pa, been real good! We was just in the neighborhood, so to speak, and I was sore missin' you, so we thought we would drop in and surprise you like."
"We..?"Pa looked around, and for the first time, spotted Bee. She was standing beside the little kitchen table, with her back to the wall. Her pale grey eyes were big, but she was smiling. "Well, hello there little lady!"
"Pa, this here is Aria's mechanic, Bee. Her real name is Beatrice, but don't you ever call her that, or you'll learn why I call her Spitfire!"
"Welcome Bee, welcome! I'm right glad to meet you!" Said Pa, as he walked over to her and held out his hand for a shake.
"I am very happy to meet you too sir." Said Bee, as his big ol' paw engulfed her tiny hand.
What the hell? Did she just CURTSY?!?!
Pa turned to me with a huge grin and a wink. Suddenly, there was another voice.
"Aren't you going to say hello to me Morgan?" I whirled around!
"TERRA?!?!" She was standing in the doorway with a bemused smile, wearing a red checker button up shirt, with the sleeves rolled up. And instead of trying to actually button it up, she had just tied a knot, low in the front. 'Course, I don't think mere buttons could have won that battle anyways! She also had on the tightest, and lowest ridin' pair, of skintight jeans, that I ever did see. I grabbed her, lifted her up, and spun her in circles around the kitchen, while she laughed and hugged my neck.
"Put me down you big lug! No, kiss me first, then put me down!" I kissed her hard, spun her around once more, then set her on her feet as we all laughed.
"Bee, this here is Terra. I told you all about her that first night you and I met. Terra, this here is Bee, or when she's riled up, you can call her Spitfire!"
Terra raised her brows just a fraction as she looked at Bee and then back to me. Then, she went over to shake Bee's hand as well. Yup, sure 'nuff, that little Spitfire did curtsy! She also gave Terra a very thorough "head-to-foot" as they stepped apart.
"What are you doing here Terra?" I asked, more than pleased, but a mite confused.
"Talking to your father about my farm sector, next door."
"Your farm sector? Next door? What about your PR job with Mutogen?"
Terra laughed. "They fired me Morgan. Our Mr. Creedy and the Major, filed a complaint, and told them I was the one responsible for you getting that ship." She walked over and put her hand on my fathers arm. "After I left, I came to see your father like I promised, and I ended up telling him the whole story. He was the one who suggested I use my savings, to buy the adjoining farm plot. That gave me the land, but I needed your fathers equipment and experience to actually do anything with it. So, your father and I became partners.
"Partners! They fired you? Because of me... I'm so sorry..." I went over and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. Thing were just a bit confusing right then.
"Don't be sorry Morgan! I think it's the best thing to ever happen to me! If your fathers, and my predictions are correct. I will be able to completely pay off the land in two years. Then, your father and I will split all profits after that, 50-50. I will be making more then I ever would, in public relations. And..." She added, as she smiled up at my father. "The people I deal with now, are so much nicer to be around."
"I...Umm... Well, you see, I couldn't have done much to help if Morgan hadn't been sending me those credits. That's what allowed me to get that extra machinery, and fix our old ones up in the first place. Besides, This here is one smart woman. She came up with a new crop rotation schedule that should up our yields by a good 10 percent!" Terra playfully slapped him on the arm, then bumped him with her hip. My father was blushing to beat the band! Terra, and my Pa? Partners!? And the way she was looked up at him, and he was looking at her... Wow, things was suddenly feeling a mite awkward! A small hand rested on my shoulder, and Bee whispered in my ear. "Aria."
I looked at Bee and smiled. "That's right, I almost forgot! There's one more person for you to meet Pa! Aria, say hi to my Pa!"
"Greetings Mr. Black. I am pleased to make your acquaintance." Came Aria's voice from the chips speaker.
Pa's snowy white eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Is that your ship talking son?" I nodded and grinned like a fool. "Well hello there Miss Aria. I am powerful glad to meet you too!"
"Hello again Aria!" Said Terra, getting into the spirit of things.
"Hello to you as well, Miss Slavovich. It is good to see you again. I hope you are well." Replied Aria.
Terra laughed. "Indeed I am Aria, thank you for asking!"
"How did you manage this Morgan?" Asked Terra. I just shook my head, and pointed at Bee.
"This was all Spitfire's doin', not mine. These here chips, was a gift from her." All eyes were now upon Bee.
"I... Umm... I just modified a couple of A.I. remote chips, so that they could tap into the Lave station's communication network. Then I added a planetary sub-band radio relay to allow her to communicate with us almost anywhere in the planetary system." Terra's mouth hung open a mite. Pa was grinning ear to ear. I smiled with pride and looked at Bee.
Dig me a hole, and bury me deep, 'cuz I done seen everything there is to see! My little Miss Spitfire, was blushing just as red as an over-ripe mutomatoe! This here is the girl, that would walk, buck ass naked, through a crowded space station, and laugh her fool head off while doing it! Yet there she stood, lit up like a military laser hitting the red line!
"Well now, what do you know about that!" Said my Pa, his face beaming. He clapped a hand on my shoulder. "Son, sounds to me like you got yourself one hell of a first rate mechanic!" Poor Spitfire was about to go into meltdown. "Hey little lady, I got me a harvester drone, that keeps trying to harvest the horn tufts from the wild girraffalopes around here. I've hired three different mechanics to come out here and fix it. But ain't a one of 'em been able to figure it out. Think you and me could take a look at it in the morning? If you don't mind, that is?"
"Oh, I don't mind at all Sir! I would love to go look at it with you!" And thus, was a great friendship, born.
"Oh, enough of that Sir stuff now. You call me Joe like everyone else does."
Umm... okay, Joe." Spitfire beamed!
We all moved into the living room, and we told them our stories late into the night. Finally, Pa said he was old, and had to call it a night. Spitfire had curled up on the couch beside me, and fell asleep with her head on my leg. So, while Pa went off to bed, I picked her up, and carried her into my old room. I took off her boots, and tucked her under the covers. When I stood up and turned around, Terra was standing in the doorway watching me with one eyebrow hitched up. I put a finger to my lips and herded her out of the room. Once I closed the door, we went back to the living room. "Come for a walk with me Morgan." Said Terra, slipping her arm through mine.
We went out the back door, and strolled down the path under the moonlight. I could see Lave station up there, floating across the sky. "Everything okay up there Aria?"
"Affirmative Captain."
"She hasn't changed much has she?" Asked Terra.
"No, but Bee thinks she can adjust her programming to give her more "range in her personality matrix". She's been trying to teach her jokes."
You're "little Spitfire" is something else, I must say Morgan. I am quite impressed." Terra stopped and looked up into my eyes. "A sixteen year old girl can be quite a handful Morgan, do you really know what you are in for?"
I told her Bee's whole story, and when I finished, I said. "So you see Terra, she needed us, and Aria and I needed her. Were family now."
"Oh Morgan... You have a heart as big as a moon." She rested her head on my shoulder, and we walked a bit more. "You've changed."
"Me? Na, I haven't changed!"
"Oh, yes, you have. Far more than you know. I watched you taking care of that little girl tonight, and I remembered the shy, awkward young man, who could barely speak to me, without getting tongue tied."
"I was too busy staring at your chest! And you had to look after me aplenty up there!"
"Exactly Morgan. Once upon a time, I was looking after you. Now, here you are, looking after that little girl. And I didn't catch you ogling my chest even once tonight!" She playfully slapped my shoulder. "That can give a girl a complex you know!"
"Well believe you me, the temptation to admire your chest, is still an almighty powerful force! And just for the record, I did sneak a peek or two while we was in the kitchen!" I said with a grin and a wink.
Terra laughed. "Well thank you for that at least, you big lug! But you see what I mean? You're not the same awkward boy anymore. You've got responsibilities of your own now, and from what I can see, you are doing a great job. I am so very proud of you, Morgan Black!"
"You got me blushing like Spitfire now." I said. We had stopped next to a disabled planter drone. Terra turned to face me, and put her hand up to my cheek.
"You are so sweet Morgan. Just like your father." I could see her eyes, sparkling in the moonlight. She looked like she was about to cry.
"Then why do you look so sad all of a sudden?" I asked.
"Because, I am going to miss that awkward boy." She said, and a tear rolled down her cheek. I folded her into my arms and we stood that way, in the moonlight, for quite a while.
"I like your father Morgan." She said finally, and wiped her damp cheeks on my shirt.
"I gathered that. And, judgin' from the way he looks at you, I would reckon the feelin's mutual."
"I mean I REALLY like him Morgan, but I don't want things to be awkward between any of us, I couldn't bear that."
I pulled her close again, and rested my chin on the top of her head, then I took a long, deep breath. "Spitfire and me will be heading back out into space in a few days. Now, I'm pretty sure, with this new business venture of yours, and this partnership with my Pa, that if I was to ask you to come with me, you'd say no."
"Morgan I..."
"Hush up now, and let me talk. My Pa's been alone for a mighty long time. And he's too good a man to be alone like that. I got Aria and Bee to keep me company now, but Pa's had only me for all these years. And now, I'm not going to be around no more, least ways, not very often." I took another deep breath. "You know I love you Terra. I love you for taking care of me, and looking out for me when I needed it most. So now, I am going to ask you, to take care of my Pa. He's a kind, generous, loyal, big hearted man Terra. He won't never let you down. And if you can look out for him, and take care of him, like you done for me, then I will love you that much more!" And just like that, it was done. Terra and I had, in our own way, said goodbye. Not goodbye to each other really, but goodbye to the lives and people we used to be. It was sad and yet happy all at the same time, so there we stood, clinging to each other, crying in the moonlight.
Terra had a small Porta-House not to far from Pa's place, so I walked her home. On the way, I remembered something she had said. "By the way, please don't let Spitfire ever hear you refer to her as a "little girl." That would send her right over the edge! 'Sides, she'll be seventeen in a few more weeks, and that really ain't so little after all."
Terra stepped away from me and took my face in her hands. "Morgan, I'm not referring to her physically. I am sure you've noticed,.." She said, poking me in the ribs." That she is quite mature in that regard. She already has a figure that most girls would die for. However, I am talking about her emotional age. I know a bit about psychology Morgan, it was a big part of my job after all. You told me what her life was like on that station after she lost her father. It must have been absolutely awful for her. That kind of experience is going to leave damage as well as scars behind. On top of that, you are going to have the usual hormones and mood swings of a normal teenager girl to contend with." She poked me in the stomach to make sure I was payin' attention. "She is going to be a huge handful Morgan. I just want you to be ready, and to know what you are in for. I know she can be sweet and loving and cute as a kitten, but there are going to be screaming fits, crying jags, and temper tantrums to go along with it. You are going to have to be very careful, as well as a patient, and caring friend, to help her heal and get through it." We had reached her door by this time, and she stood on the step so she could look me in the eye. "Now, with that being said, you described your father as "kind, generous, loyal, and big hearted". Well, his son is every bit of that and more! And I think, that if anyone in this universe, is capable of helping her, It's you. You big lug!" She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me good night, then went inside.
I had a lot to think about on the way back to Pa's.
Question 1. Do you prefer shorter chapters that you can read through quickly, or longer chapters, to feel more of an immersion. Or doesn't really make any difference?
A mixture, I think.. there's a place for short chapters, and a place for longer ones.
Paradox wrote:
Question 2. I do tend to concentrate much more on the relationships between people/entities in my story, rather than the Elite/Oolite/Sci-fi action, dogfights, etc. Any opinions on this? Do you prefer more action-y stuff or is this what you like? (Obviously, if you made it through this far to see this questionnaire, you must like it, but I would still like to hear opinions/preferences or whatever! };])
I think you've done a good job, to date.. combat is not that easy to write.. and as others have pointed out, it's the relationships and interactions that form the core of the story.
Paradox wrote:
Question 3. Do I have any female readers here? Or have any of the male readers had their wives, girlfriends. s.o's, read all, or portions of this story. If so, I would desperately like to hear your/their opinions about what I write. I am trying hard keep that delicate balance of "titillating", and yet show strong female characters.
I'll get my (as of 3 days ago, ex) flatmate to have a read of it, and see what she says..
Most games have some sort of paddling-pool-and-water-wings beginning to ease you in: Oolite takes the rather more Darwinian approach of heaving you straight into the ocean, often with a brick or two in your pockets for luck. ~ Disembodied
I know that the action sequences are not my strong suit. And this portion of the story is going to be thin on them. I just want to make sure that I don't drift away from them to the point of excluding my readers. };] Perhaps if I tried finding the emotion in a dog fight like I do with the characters, it will help. That's something for me to think about anyways! }:]
Perhaps it would help to consider the opponents in such scenes as additional characters, maybe add in some comms chatter to allow for some additional interaction? (somewhat like Mossfoot did with Brandi and Douchebag)
I think you've done a good job, to date.. combat is not that easy to write.. and as others have pointed out, it's the relationships and interactions that form the core of the story.
As you can see from my last chapter, I am currently far away from space battles and little if any references to Oolite at all, so it was a concern. Especially since I foresee at least a couple more chapters like that before my crew gets back to the black.
Diziet Sma wrote:
Paradox wrote:
Question 3. Do I have any female readers here? Or have any of the male readers had their wives, girlfriends. s.o's, read all, or portions of this story. If so, I would desperately like to hear your/their opinions about what I write. I am trying hard keep that delicate balance of "titillating", and yet show strong female characters.
I'll get my (as of 3 days ago, ex) flatmate to have a read of it, and see what she says..
Dizzy, that would be beyond absolutely fantastic (as long as it is not putting you in an awkward situation!...?)!!
Thanks for the feedback too my friend. I appreciate it as always!
I know that the action sequences are not my strong suit. And this portion of the story is going to be thin on them. I just want to make sure that I don't drift away from them to the point of excluding my readers. };] Perhaps if I tried finding the emotion in a dog fight like I do with the characters, it will help. That's something for me to think about anyways! }:]
Perhaps it would help to consider the opponents in such scenes as additional characters, maybe add in some comms chatter to allow for some additional interaction? (somewhat like Mossfoot did with Brandi and Douchebag)
- Neelix
Good point. Up till now, I have simply been quoting what I have seen on the MFDs. Perhaps it is time I ad-lib a bit! }:]
I was woken up the next morning by Bee, flopping on the couch, by way of my stomach! "OOOOF..."
"Morning lazy bones! Your dad and I are heading out to look at that drone. You gonna come?"
I finally managed to suck in some air, and rub the sleep out of my eyes. I looked at the the grinning pixie on my stomach. "No, you go ahead, ain't nothin' I can do. And by the way, I am not lazy! I was the one who had to carry YOU, to bed last night, remember?"
She leaned down on my chest and kissed my nose. "Ya, thank you." She gave me a squeeze and slid to the floor. She was wearing a pair of her practically non-existent cut-off shorts, her ever present tool-belt, and a mesh top with the bottom two thirds missing. She skipped toward the kitchen.
"Bee! That shirt..." She disappeared thorough the door, and a few seconds later, I heard the back door close. I sighed.
"Breakfast "lazy bones"!" Came Terra's voice, from the kitchen. Wouldn't you know it. I sat up, yawned, then made a feeble attempt to comb my hair with my fingers. I wandered into the kitchen to find a waffle, two slices of bacon, and mutorange juice waiting for me. I sat down as Terra brought her own plate over, and sat across from me. "I made you two waffles, but one of them mysteriously disappeared." She said with a grin.
"Spitfire... I don't know how she does it, or where it goes."
"She burns it off. She was up before your father this morning. She was so excited about going with him to work on that drone. She helped me make breakfast, and washed all her own dishes, as well as your fathers. Evidently, he wasn't moving fast enough to suit her!"
I laughed. But then another thought hit me. "Terra, did you see her outfit?" I asked.
Terra smiled. "Yes, she refuses to take off that tool-belt. I'm surprised she doesn't wear it to bed!"
"No, I mean her clothes. Those shorts, and... You can see right through her shirt!"
Terra looked at me a second, then burst out laughing. "Oh, my poor little country boy!"
I was starting to get a mite peeved.
"Oh Morgan! Just a sec. She cleared all the dishes and swished around the kitchen for a bit. Then she got a piece of paper, and started to write something on it. Every once in a while, she would look at me, then write some more. Finally, she loosely folded the paper, and put it in the middle of the table. Then, she sat down, put her elbows on the table, and propped her chin on top of her fists... and watched me. The paper wasn't folded completely flat. I could see a bit of the writing from the side, but not enough to give me a clue as to what it said.
"So what is it?" I asked. But she just sat there and watched me. Further questions about the paper, resulted in the same response. None. I started to reach for it.
"You might be pleasantly surprised by what you read, or you might be greatly disappointed." She said, before my hand touched it.
I threw my hands up in irritation. "What am I supposed to do? Read it or not?"
She just watched me.
Finally, I growled and grabbed the paper. I looked at her, but there was no change. I opened it up, and read a single word.
Sucker.
What the..?
"Why did you pick up the paper and read it Morgan?" Terra asked.
"Because... It was there! And I could see part of it, but... And I wanted to know what it said!" Why was she doing this?
"Exactly!" She stood up and walked to the back door. The screen was closed, but the main door was open to let in some light and the breeze. As she stood in the doorway, I couldn't help but notice the light was shining right through the short, white, sun dress she was wearing. Ever curve and dip was plainly silhouetted in the mornings golden light. I gulped.
"Thank you! I'm glad you still like the view." She said with a grin. "Do you understand the difference between my clothes and Bee's?" She asked.
"I... umm... I..."
Terra left the doorway, and gave me a kiss. "My ego is fully inflated now, thank you!" She patted my cheek and sat down again. "I like clothing that flirts. Brief, and sometimes not so brief, flashes and peeks, just like that piece of paper. It keeps men's, and many times women's, attention focused completely on me. Hoping desperately for that one brief peek... As you well know!" Such and evil grin! "Now, if I had not folded that piece of paper, what would you have done?"
"Nothing I guess, as I could have just read it right off." I said, as I scrubbed my face with my hand. I was trying to understand where she was going with this.
"Exactly! No curiosity, no mystery, no surprises. Just an open book, so to speak." She reached across the table and took my hand in hers. "That's how Bee dresses. She's an open book. She's not looking for anyone to try to "read" her. She's not trying to hide anything, nor is she deliberately trying to flirt with anyone. Yet, at the same time, it is a bit sexy. Which, I am sure, satisfies her ego as well. And ALL women like to have their egos boosted, Morgan my dear." She patted my cheek. "The next time you are on a station, especially the higher tech stations, look around at how people are dressed. I think you will be shocked. It's just that you never really notice it, because it's all around you. Constantly. It's like living in a nudist colony. After a while, you completely forget that everyone is naked. But have an attractive girl walk by in a short little towel, an watch all the boys heads turn!"
I tried to remember what people were wearing when we left Aria for the planets surface... Had there been a girl with just pasties for a top? Or that woman with the lace jumpsuit... "Maybe your right." I agreed reluctantly.
"Maybe? Darling really!" Terra laughed. "Now, the question is, why do her outfits bother you so much?
"I... umm... I don't know really." I finally said.
Terra stood and came around the table. She held out her hands, and pulled me to my feet, then she wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head against my chest. "Would you like me to tell you, Morgan dear? It's because you are just like your father, and all you can see is a damsel in distress. Someone who needs saving and protecting. And your heart is just so big, you can't help but ride to the rescue!" She let go of me and stepped back. "Think about it Morgan, and give her room to be herself. Guide her when she needs guidance, but also let her try to find her own way when she wants to. Speaking of knights errant and certain damsels, I think that is them coming now."
I looked out the back door, and sure enough, there they came walking up the path to the house. Pa had his arm around Bees shoulders, while Bee practically glowed. They were chattering back and forth like a couple of monkeys. I stepped onto the back porch and waited for them. "Well, how'd it go?" I called out.
"Son! This here little mechanic of your's is an absolute miracle! Why, it didn't take her no more'n fifteen minutes to figure out what was wrong with old number twelve, and then, no more than half an hour to fix it! Why them three fancy pants mechanics I hired, worked on that da.. err darn machine for hours apiece and couldn't fix it. And then they still had the nerve to charge me 4 credits each!" He ruffled her already messy hair affectionately.
"It was just a scrambled target acquisition matrix chip." Said Bee, under full blush.
"Well, I done told her, and I'm telling you! If she ever gets tired of flyin' round up there in space with you. She'd be a heap more than welcome, to come live here, and work on this here farm with me, and I'd be right proud to have her too!"
Bee, stay here on the farm? I wondered if she would like that. I watched her standing there, beaming up at my Pa. I also wondered, if that might not be better for her, better than bouncin' around the universe with me, and being shot at by pirates and such...
and the third is wondering what the next bit's going to be like. I tend to favour the pov that character interaction is how the story writes itself.
