Rough Guide to the Ooniverse

[Disembodied]

Ah! I didn't make myself clear. I'm intending to include a list of slang in the Rough Guide, in the form of a filler column from another article for Space magazine. The whole thing will be part of a rather gushy and generally inaccurate guide to "A Day in the Life of [a Commander]" (if anyone out there -- say, for example, someone with a flexible approach to reality -- wants to write something like this, they're more than welcome!).

Fictionally speaking, I prefer just to make up "slang" without any explanation, and let the reader work it out from the context.

[Selezen]

Ah. Flavour. I see.

I like thrumpberry flavour.

[Disembodied]

Yup. It may not work, of course... and it might be better if it was accompanied by a sarcastic commentary, along the lines of "Have you seen this crap?" etc. Some of the jargon would be real, e.g. "Jameson", some would be frankly spurious: I don't think anyone has ever used the phrase "Dancing the Tionisla Two-Step"! A bit like the Glasgow subway system: people keep claiming that it's nicknamed "The Clockwork Orange". But I've lived in Glasgow for more than 20 years and have never once heard anyone call it that. I think some newspaper might have, once, in the 1970s -- but apparently that's what we all call it. In reality, the only odd thing is that everyone calls it the subway, despite the fact that all the stations are marked with a big orange "U" for "Underground".

Anyway: I digress! I'm trying to think of some other background material which could be included in the Rough Guide. One idea would be a "Rock Hopper" page, giving some more details on a few of the planets -- probably those in the immediate vicinity of Lave. Just tourist stuff, really: how boring is Zaonce? Surely on a whole planet there must be something interesting or exciting to do or see? What are the local customs on Isinor? And so on and so forth. Probably all under an introduction along the lines of

Planets, eh? Who needs 'em? Big, massy, gassy things, and all that gravity's just a drag... That's what most spacers tend to think, anyway. But peek beneath those clouds, look beyond that one-line description in the Register of Worlds, and there are delights and surprises in store for those willing to go those extra few klicks from orbit to the surface! Let our team of Planetary Reviewers guide you through the highs and lows of the local volume. So leave the ship in the loading bay, take a break, take a shuttle and come on down...

...to be followed by witty and urbane descriptions of half-a-dozen planets: potted histories, notable sights, information on customs, currencies, do's and don'ts, food, entertainment, etc. Contributions welcome...

[Commander Mysenses]

Is there a list of the planet descriptions for the eight galaxies somewhere?
I tried a search a while back, and got nowhere really.

[another_commander]

Yes, there is. Click to download it.

[Commander McLane]

@Disembodied: Great idea with the touristic planet descriptions. There are already a couple of "touristic" ads for some of the more interesting planets in Your Ad Here. I think you should include those planets as well, even if they are not neighbours of Lave.

Oh, and don't forget the Tianve Pulsar!

[Commander Mysenses]

Yes, there is. Click to download it.

My bad... I have that already too!
(make extensive use of it in conjunction with the nav charts when choosing random hits).
I printed it out without the desciptions to make it fit on A4.

[FSOneblin]

This has Inspiered me to printout a guide to oolite. I will post it when it is finished. Now to explore g1 and write tips on that.

[Disembodied]

Better title for the "Rock Hopper" planetary guide: "Ground Nuts".

[LittleBear]

"The Jameson's Guide to the Galaxy" ?

[TGHC]

"Rock Hopper"

Gosh I remember that game, pretty simple but fun!

[ovvldc]

Loonely Planet?

(I know, too many puns)

-Oz

[Disembodied]

Okay, here's a draft of a brief guide to a planet. I picked Riedquat because it's on the first local chart a player is likely to see. I've also just recently been reading Jack Vance's "Gaean Reach" novels so there's probably some leakage of style!

Let me know what you think: is it too long, too short, should there be more or less detail, etc. It's just over 1,000 words.

Riedquat
Economic status: Poor Agricultural
Technology Level: 4
Population: 2 billion Harmless Rodents
Political status: Anarchy
Radius: 6403 km
G: 1.04 standard

“This planet is most notable for its fabulous cuisine but beset by occasional civil war.”

Riedquat is probably one of the least-visited worlds in all the eight sectors – and yet, for the adventurous, it’s quite possibly the place for the holiday of a lifetime.

From the moment the plasma clears from the nose of your shuttle, you are confronted with a truly epic vista: mountain ranges stretch across the landscape, swathed in dense forest, and it’s well worth tipping the shuttle pilot an extra ten credits to take the scenic route down to Hard Harbour, the principal landing stage on the northern continent. Swinging around the peaks of Trifros, when the early morning sun paints the glaciers rosy pink, is a sight to behold, and the final blast down the Axbow canyon gives the visitor the first of many thrills to come.

Debarkation formalities at Hard Harbour are minimal. Present your landing licence for inspection, and answer all questions truthfully without prevarication: all questions, no matter how specific, intimate or downright odd they may appear to be. Do not be offended, and don’t be concerned for your privacy; Riedquat’s Customs officials are bound by a solemn oath of secrecy. If they don’t like what they hear, they’ll simply refuse you entry, and you’ll have missed the chance of a wonderful experience: but they are judges of character, not of law or morality. Be bold, forthright and honest in your dealings with them, and all should be well. On no account attempt bribery. This is a mortal insult to the official’s damaan. It will certainly debar you from the planet and may even result in summary execution.

Most social interactions on Riedquat involve damaan, and a brief explanation is in order. Essentially it is the conceptual force projected by an individual into the cosmos, which both forms and informs the universe. Each person’s damaan interacts with every other and, in the Riedquat philosophy, creates an intermeshing multiplicity of actualities. Bribery, therefore, is grossly offensive, since the money offered exists as much within the reality of the bribee as the briber: in effect, you are asking someone to surrender their entire totality in return for something which, in a sense, they already possess.

To say that this can complicate commercial transactions is an understatement, and the concept of damaan is perhaps one reason why Riedquat is a poor agricultural world. Any purchase involves a series of considered negotiation, back and forth, before the bargain is struck. To anyone used to the economic bustle of the wider Co-operative this can be frustrating, at first, but once you relax into the placid pace of life on Riedquat you’ll find yourself relishing these simple, careful and polite exchanges. There is no currency, as such: the medium of exchange is anything decorative which is small enough to be carried in a pouch (the quasi-marsupial natives, of course, have their own: you will in all likelihood need to equip yourself with a suitable substitute at the Hard Harbour landing). To this extent a variety of offworld coinage can be used. You will have much more success with the colourful – though practically worthless, even on Geinona – Geinonar Chinx than with rock-solid, but leadenly dull, Riinus State Thalers. Familiarity breeds contempt, though, so be sure to mix and match!

If there’s one thing absolutely worth negotiating for, and indeed paying well for, on Riedquat, it’s the food. Trust me: pay the extra on the station to have your gut flora switched, and endure the minor discomfort. You do not want to miss the chance to eat Riedquat cuisine “in the flesh”, so to speak, without the deadening kiss of the sterilising irradiator. From simple soups and stews to elaborate banquets, these people are culinary masters, second to none. Your lower bowel might complain for a day or so beforehand but your mouth will love you forever after. And every meal is, of course, washed down with plenty of rich red Riedquat ale!

Beyond the food, and the simple joys of standing on alien soil, under an exotic sky, Riedquat mostly offers outdoor pursuits, such as mountaineering, white-water rafting and especially big game hunting. Native guides can be hired – or more precisely, invited to accompany you, if they care to pick up a mutually acceptable offering from one reality to another – and are generally competent and friendly, if treated with respect. Equipment, especially weaponry, is of course limited to tech 4: in any case there is little sport, and absolutely no projection of damaan, in bringing down a terathaw with a plasma rifle! One important piece of advice: if you meet a Riedquater group wearing black feathers, give them a wide berth: they are on cerce, the projection of their collective damaan by physical force. Usually they will ignore anyone not similarly bedecked in black feathers: stay calm and passive and all will be well. Contests between groups on cerce can be bloody and protracted and may range over a wide area, though generally these will not intersect with camps or settlements. If you yourself are bedecked in black feathers, you may want to invest in some plumage dye before visiting.

All in all, Riedquat is a wonderful, unspoiled planet where you can get away from the teeming cares of the Co-operative and relax into a gentler way of life. The only significant problem, and of course the only major risk, is getting there. Riedquat’s local volume seethes with pirates, from lone-wolf freebooters to bandit gangs. Still, for the bold at heart, the journey is at least possible – and if you make it through you can lie on the warm sands of Shander Bay, listen to the hushing surf, gaze up at the night sky to see the pinprick flashes of witchdrives erupting, and consider yourself one of the fortunate few!

[FSOneblin]

Fine. I took it down. Happy?

[Commander McLane]

@Disembodied: beautiful!

@FSOneblin: Forgive me, but I don't see the point of your list. Apart from the factual errors (you should indeed have a look at the OXPs first!) and the typos, this is all information you will get together with the OXPs in question. It belongs in their ReadMe's and in most cases can be found exactly there. So what's the point in putting this in the Rough Guide?