The Sotieraian Conspiracy

[CaptSolo]

Preface:

In 2083884 WMT, a trade agreement was signed by the High Chairman of Inera and the merchant guild of Sotiera. Calling themselves a "merchant guild" was really audacious of them. They are in fact the largest criminal organization on Sotiera and most of the goods filling their warehouses were stolen by lethal force. But that does not come into this story. Inera is a rich world having a well ordered society while Sotiera is very poor, ruled by approximately 20 different warlords. I say "approximately" because there is virtually a continuous struggle for supremacy going on and quite often a warlord becomes a victim to one stronger, or more ingenious, or having superior weapons. For the lowest order on Sotiera, life is understandably difficult. They work the land of their masters who in turn leave them barely enough food to survive. Almost a mirror of serf life on ancient Terra, the human home world, as it was recorded in their chronicles, written some time before their sun expired in a huge ball of fire. A fire which enveloped most of that system before going dark eons ago.

The trade contract came about due to the efforts of an Ineraian organization committed to easing the suffering of their Sotieraian neighbours. Their intentions were noble although somewhat misplaced due to their ignorance of how goods are distributed on Sotiera. However, they did take the precaution of naming a third party to conduct the actual trade of goods: The famous Lerrizeo clan of Riedquat. The Lerrizeo's were admired and respected because, unlike many family's on Riedquat, their operation was completely legitimate. Their fame naturally made them enemies but at the time of these events no one dared to engage them. Their domain stretched from the Old Worlds to the Xexediian Cluster. Inera and Sotiera are outside of this region of the Alpha Galaxy so they would need to negotiate a license from the Galactic Trade Organization on Xezaor, where it was hoped they would be granted a route from Lerelace to Dizaonor and thence to Sotiera.

The Lerrizeo's knew that this would infringe upon the operations of Un Li Thaxis, the boss of a nefarious company of traders from Learorce. There was no history between them except in the deep past when the ancestors of Un Li were expelled from Riedquat. They became space pilgrims long ago until they could find an uninhabited planet, and this they did upon finally reaching Learorce. At the GTO the two parties arrived for negotiations and events transpired surprisingly well, but not at first as you shall see. Un Li sent his legal representative who introduced himself as Putes Asti. He was to be seated next to Fin, most fair and courageous of the Lerrizeo clan. It was observed that Fin arose, adorned in all the splendor that wealth afforded, to welcome this long lost Riedquatian but Putes refused it, instead demanding to be seated elsewhere. It was almost comical except the very air seemed ripe with tension.

The chief negotiator, a human by the name of Ralph Hepplewhite, began by reading the trade agreement and then asked each party in turn to state their case. Fin stood to talk as was his custom, but before a word came out between his furry lips he was rudely interrupted by Mr. Asti. This fellow indeed had an unpleasant personality and it was apparent he did not want to be in Fin's company a second longer than necessary. He threw down a file before the negotiator stating, "These will suffice. I must be off". With that he scurried out the door and was gone. Ralph opened the file, quickly read it's contents and then turned his gaze on Fin. "Okay then, you are permitted a corridor from Lerelace to Dizaonor to service the terms of the contract, but you are forbidden from any other commercial endeavours in Mr Thaxis territory". Fin acknowledged this with a shake of his paw and signed the documents.

But what exactly were the terms of the contract? Specifically, it allowed the Lerizzeo's to deliver consumable and tech goods to Sotiera at cost. GAO, the Galactic Aid Organization, would be onsite to oversee distribution. Their involvement was inked in the final stages upon the behest of Fin Lerrizeo. Pretty sharp Rodent don't you know. In turn, the Lerrizeo's would receive a handsome payment, electronically of course, from the afore mentioned Ineraians. The whole plan sounded very risky to Fin and his whiskery nose sensed the foul smell of a trap. But he was bound by his honour as well as his signature to oblige by it. His common sense served him well for, unknown to most concerned, another pact had been made between Un Li Thaxis and General Rhon Zyri, the most powerful and brutal warlord on Sotiera: A plan of vengeance and retribution.

[CaptSolo]

This is a going to be a short story. I do not consider myself a writer. My grammar and spelling are not good so editorial critique is welcome.

Chapter 1 - Beginnings

Herein I document the events which occurred during my early career as a lone wolf trader shortly after my tenure under Lord Crunk of Onrira. He was the cruel master of Kankirov Trading Company. Crunk was the fattest and ugliest frog by far and my brief stays there were not brief enough. I refer to him in the past tense because he was murdered shortly after my departure while snorkeling in a pond; one of many on his vast estate. After two long years working for this amphibioid I was able to buy out of my contract. I had my freedom, my ship, and a few credits, and as I observed Onrira from the aft view dwindling smaller my spirit grew. I selected from my collection John Denver's "Country Roads", lit a cigarette and sang along as I plotted my voyage home. Yes, back to Teaatis where at this very moment my parents were receiving word of my impending arrival and stocking up on my favourite bevvy, Teaatisian vicious brew. Oh they knew I would not be able to stay long for now I must travel far and fast to build my reputation and fortune.

As it turned out my stay on Teaatis was extended slightly longer than anticipated. It was at the end of the fortnight when I was due to leave the next day. I had spent the morning on a long walk over my favourite haunts as a boy. It was almost ethereal to feel the soft earth beneath my feet and take in all the lovely sounds and smells that I remembered. I arrived back home about tea time very hot and thirsty and noticed my parents had guests over. I recognized the older couple as the Harbuckles; neighbours who lived but a few kilometers away, but with them was a beautiful young woman whom I did not know.

"You surely remember Sherryl Lynn, young man", asked Mrs. Harbuckle.

My mouth opened as if to reply but nothing came out. Finally I stammered a few ahhs and slapped my hands onto my knees. The last time I saw her she was a pimple-faced teenager.

"I do believe the proverbial cat has got his tongue", remarked my mother.

Now some of you may not know this but women, as a rule, are sharper of wit (and schemes) than us men. But I did not care at that moment, for looking on the sheer beauty that became Sherryl Lynn. She was some years younger than me and during my absence had matured into the most incredible example of womanhood. Something stirred inside me that I was not even aware existed at all. During the conversation that ensued over tea I was finding it difficult to stray my eyes from her. Almost before I was even aware of them, words popped right out of my mouth:

"Sherryl, would you care to take a ride into town with me tomorrow morning... if you are able? We could catch up as they say."

It seemed at this point I felt a little flushed or perhaps it was the sun on my face which had just then leaped forth between two banks of clouds. Whatever the cause the brief silence after my proposal seemed an eternity. It was finally broken by the most beautiful smile I have ever seen.

"I would love to, John", she said.

And with that my mother and Mrs. Harbuckle turned to each other with knowing glances. Father did not look pleased and Mr. Harbuckle seemed preoccupied with the price of corn which he and my father had been discussing.

So it was that I stayed on another week longer and it was the loveliest seven days I had spent in many a year since I left Teaatis for Lave Academy. It was with a heavy heart I stood on the transport platform. I pledged a promise to return in one year to take Sherryl Lynn as my wife. One more passionate kiss and then vanishing images of a beautiful smile and tearful mother.

[Disembodied]

No spelling errors really that I can see at a glance ... except "favorite", which is US spelling, and "neighbours", which is UK ... both are correct in their own sphere but you should pick one format and go with that. Compound adjectives like "pimple faced" should really be hyphenated: "pimple-faced".

A couple of points about commas and quotation marks:

I selected from my collection John Denver's "Country Roads", lit a cigarette and sang along as I plotted my voyage home.

This is correct; it's a title, not reported speech, so the comma goes outside the quotes.

"You surely remember Sherryl Lynn young man", said Mrs. Harbuckle.

This (and others) is incorrect: in reported speech, the comma should go inside the quotes, i.e.

"You surely remember Sherryl Lynn young man," said Mrs. Harbuckle.

On commas in general: particularly in reported speech, you need to use them to give the rhythm of the words – e.g.

"You surely remember Sherryl Lynn, young man", said Mrs. Harbuckle.

is better, I think: it gives the sense of how Mrs. Harbuckle might say the words, with a little pause before "young man". Also, in

"I would love to, John," she said.

a comma is pretty much required: "I would love to John" makes "John" sound like a verb, e.g.: ""I would love to dance".

A couple of other points: "Mother" and "Father" should only be capitalised when used as a direct title, e.g. "remarked Mother" is fine ("Mother" is used here as a name); "remarked my Mother" is wrong, because here it's just a description of her role.

at this very moment my parents were receiving word of my arrival

should be something like

at this very moment my parents were receiving word of my impending arrival

(or imminent arrival, maybe; the point is the arrival hasn't happened yet).

The sentence

But I did not care at that moment for looking on the sheer beauty that became Sherryl Lynn.

is a bit confusing; it can be read as the narrator not caring to look at Sherryl Lynn. It needs rearranged, e.g.:

But I did not care at that moment, [comma here helps separate narrator's lack of care, from the following reason for his lack of care] for I was looking on the sheer beauty that Sherryl Lynn had become.

One final thing, and this is purely part of my ongoing personal campaign on this issue: you don't need two spaces after a full stop. That's what people were taught to do on typewriters, where all the characters are of equal width, but it's wrong, wrong, wrong on word processors. Virtually the first thing I do when I get a manuscript to typeset is find-and-replace all the .-space-spaces ...

[CaptSolo]

Very helpful, Disembodied. <-See I am learning.

[CaptSolo]

This will be the last chapter I post in this thread and I do so only to learn correct grammar and style from those better than me.

Chapter 2 - Farewell to Charms

As the transporter approached the main station above Teaatis I adjusted the monitor to view the planet. I am not ashamed to say that strong emotions came over me like fleeting clouds passing over stormy seas. It is hard to believe this planet was once a lifeless barren rock. It is actually one of the newer worlds colonized by humans, once it was discovered that vast amounts of water lay in a frozen state beneath its surface. Terraformers made it habitable and the ice was tapped to create green valleys between ashen grey mountains. Not the most beautiful world to be sure. I turned my attention ahead and watched as we passed through the docking port into a vast bay with room enough to berth hundreds of ships. Just then I felt good again and could not wait to get on board my own.

All passengers leaving debarkation must proceed to the security section and this can be a very lengthy and tiring time. Fortunately only about 30 others traveled with me, but there was a larger group ahead of us. While waiting in line my thoughts dwelled on many things, not least of course the half-crazy and wonderful romance that befell me the past few days. Uppermost in my mind was what the future would hold. Would I be successful? Cautious and judicious I had already learned, but I have never before been on my own. True, I have been just that the past two years, but this is different. Now I am accountable to no one but myself. Then there is the matter of survival. A very dangerous occupation this, that I have chosen. Only a fool has no fear but fear can be turned to advantage.

While pondering these things I passed through the security checks. I hurriedly made my way to the bursars office - the final checkpoint before I was allowed to board my ship. His station was just in front of a large double door which opened onto the main hangar. These allow for transit to and from ships at berth. The gateway was guarded by four burly security men just in case someone wished not to pay their bill and instead blast their way out. I walked up to the window, checked his name plate, and handed him my ticket.

"Ah, good day sir. Give me a minute please."

While waiting for the bursar to present me with the bill my mind wandered again. I could afford to indulge myself a little for soon all my senses would need to be focused. The hangar deck I mentioned is a very interesting place indeed. There one can meet space faring people of many species: Males, females, some that are both, and rarely, those that are neither. It is a beehive of activity and much chit chatting going on, there or in the small bar that adjoins it. It is common to find old space dogs who no longer venture the hard ways but like to hang out and spin yarns both wild and fantastic. As I was chuckling to myself the bursar returned.

"Your ship maintenance, restocking and berthing fees come to 2500 credits, young fellow."

I almost screamed at the man, "What? How can it be that high?"

And to these queries the gentlemen, who did not seem upset with my demeanor, promptly showed me an itemized list. I carefully read every line.

"This has to be a mistake." I said. "I didn't order these things," directing the man to a couple items on the list.

"Oh right," he replied, "Those were sent up special and you didn't know heh? I am surprised."

Well, rain sometimes takes awhile to soak into hard ground but I finally understood. My mother, bless her soul, purchased two things she thought I would miss the most, but the transport fees on such things are very high, especially on Teaatis. I'll just wager my father insisted I pay for it. Think of it as a stimulus which is just how his mind works. I had no choice but to hand him my GFI card which he swiped with a flair. By the looks he enjoys his job too much, but no matter, I had my boarding pass and the guards allowed me through. The next stage of my adventure was about to begin.

[DaddyHoggy]

Hey D - I learned to type on a Electric Typewriter (an Olivetti) at school it was my way of avoiding outside PE and to have 18 girls all to myself... I still double space after a full-stop, I can't help myself. It happens completely automatically!